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Old 05-24-03, 03:47 PM   #16
Eviley
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this shit was gay.....j/k sweetie i liked it just like i like all of your rhymes....and i did check it out before :P
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Old 05-25-03, 12:21 AM   #17
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Re: The rotten piece
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Quote:
Originally posted by Sand
once upon a time there lived an evil powerful man
he had inherited this as prize of his fathers land
now dad was grand he conquered and then fed
but his son was bad conquered and left all dead
now his father was getting old his power lacking
his son took loves knife and stabbed the back him
he used persuasion to attain the sole ruler king
and left his father a slice of land..the rotten piece
Nice beginning, bars were even...imagery is decent...good use of words and ish like that


King Adam. cold dread the empires dictator of sense
killed the conquered women and kids and cared less
his heart was like a rock but not solid only calloused
murder his talent feelings nothing but spited malice
a fascist ironic how his dad was the exact opposite
his son started war. he lived life just for stopping it
named King Cassius he was old and ruled a poor land
infested with people planning to overthrow old man
his son could have helped but it wasnt what he cared for
he had his mind set on one thing that is only more war
Imagery started to pick up. Although some things are worded wierd, like the last line, i understand what you're saying, and most lines were real nice so far...feelin it


now years past and King adams empire vast as the ocean
the staff for commotion the reason for fathers emotions
so heavy. he saw and heard of his sons actions and ways
and his treatment of people and the slaves he has raised
this wasnt the son he raised. the frail man traveled to see
the son he once taught. amazed at what hes came to be
..father sit please.. but king cassius fell. down to his knees
..son i beg of you listen to me. you are the king. only of greed.
..not a reflection of thee. i would disown you but you own me
..i beg you to free the slaves..free your people ... let them be
father cant you see..i always hated you.. dont let emotions stir
because i am a great king .. historical. what you never were
or will be. now let go back to your place this is what gods will be
i mean look . i was the student . and my teachers kneels to me
a true king. i have retaken your lot. father. get out of my face
back to your quarters. near the shelter with all of the slaves.
Now it blew up ... imagery is strong, getting more of a rap feel to it. Lyrics are better, wording is better. Vocabulary is picking up. Loving this!


Now no longer king Cassius was a slave encaged to his son
after all he did for him . he recieved not one ounce of love
none. he stayed calm. never got anger at his son the hellion
not for redemption.for his sons own good. he began a rebellion
must be gods blessin . Cassius had leader skills a sheen one
and one amazing night . the slaves overtook Adams kingdom
..king cassius here he is the king your son. with his children...
he treated them like shit...may i have the honor to kill him...
..NO..with a voice of power..you may leave let gods will be...
and take his children..leave my son to sit here with me..
starting to slow it down now, which is good. Flow is still on, everything is still there


Son adam. your actions have made you a beast they hurt you.
because it puts you in a bad spot. with this role reversal
..kill me father...yea right...you dont have the heart and never did
i wish to die than be in your control . as king your a piece of shit
....BE QUIET... think of life. your wife...think of your kids...
and realize it takes a heart with love for me to do this....
Great ending!


king cassius then spoke the words...

Son here is your punishment..
Father..mm..wait..

Son BE QUIET like i said..it would be wise for you to stop to speak
you will now reside as a slave in my land...to forever Rot In Peace...
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Old 05-27-03, 04:21 PM   #18
The MRB
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overated wank put it in poetic scriptures it certainly aint hip hop

its written in fuckin stanzas !
Last edited by The MRB : 05-27-03 at 04:24 PM.
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Old 05-27-03, 05:47 PM   #19
Kosta
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lmao...those arent stanzas
there this new thing called
bars...you have no idea what
hip hop is...my god..you like dick
c'mon man...go fuck yourself
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Old 05-27-03, 06:36 PM   #20
sen
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Yo Sand your talent gonna take u cross the land

really enjoyed it---showin in the newbie how high ya can take it
---i still have learni bta do--but got a lot in me--
any critique on my first open mic would be appreciated
thanks----

Mystical Minstrel
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=50386


peace-----I'll be searchin for more of yer stuff--ya have any in archives----
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Old 05-27-03, 07:29 PM   #21
Kosta
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yeah...2 in legendary open mics
this may be added...im unsure
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Old 05-27-03, 07:35 PM   #22
C-Section
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^^^ i nominated this for RB legends, it got 15 views but ZERO replys......
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Old 05-27-03, 10:59 PM   #23
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Sand send me ur verse dawg...........Through Pm
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Old 05-28-03, 12:05 AM   #24
Kosta
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i havent had the time...MY BAD
i will have it by tomorrow..
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Old 05-29-03, 10:05 AM   #25
inspire
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lmao... have you ever thought of yourself as obessive? and tell tik he dont know his atmos... he does have an LP called Overcast... any self respecting atmos-head would know that...

anyways... onto you open mic...
Not as good as the windows one which is one of my personal favorites... but its still good.. 9/10...

*pssst* God Loves Ugly...
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Old 05-29-03, 11:34 PM   #26
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this kid must love male sex as much as hes having his dick rode. to my in my honest opinion. this was the same old same old. original but the same shit u hear anywhere. thers no "powerful lines" as 1 kat said. its not "deadly" as he said again. its not "ill" as he said once more. its just nice. pzz-
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Old 05-30-03, 02:40 AM   #27
Kosta
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lol. ^Shows what you know about writing^
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Old 05-30-03, 04:29 PM   #28
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wtf are you speaking. your soo used to having your dick rode. its funny no 1 else will step up and say anything. but as i said before your not garbage your descent. lose the fucking ego, your not ill.
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Old 05-30-03, 05:12 PM   #29
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Not bad .... Not much flow though.
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Old 06-01-03, 12:39 AM   #30
Kosta
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B news...quit trying to be news...
and fuck get off of my coat tails...homie
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