WRATH OF TIME
day 1 i hated the disquise,
day 2 the llook in your eyes-
day 3 the rain my lids poured on tainted skies-
day 4 you were a whore and i couldnt live like this anymore-
day 5 i tried-
day 6 you lied-
day 7 i died-when i asked you for the truth and you denied.
in 168 hrs i saw my heart break 168 times.
felt 168,000 tears and 168 flatlines-
but why?maybe feeling out of place-since you wanted it so bad when you saw me did you see his face?is it my place-or his lips that you taste-liven a fantacy of his with my time to waiste-while i tried to hold togeather,what was never-you so clever- made my guilt for failing indevers-
i could feel miniscule- from the ridicule-saying my friends is just jealous when you fed their fuel-
dreams broken down to fragments of a torn heart- you rebuilt to take apart-gold was the way you were treated-gave you what you fiended-took this heart and discarded me what you didnt need it-wishen it was just you and i-held my hands tight wiped my tears that looked like blood when they dried-no time left to buy- i caught you and he- doing what was supposed to be for you and me.you were everything-made me somebody till somebody became godly turned me back to being nobody and nothing.
well be happy now you still my princess-and i reside with my bride emptiness in a voidful exsistence.i wish to god you were mine-but the past cant be taken back and id still be here even if i rewinded the time.

god dammit...

im pissed cuz i cant write like you

good shit man

now if i ould only write this poem for the tournament.. id be set

thanks pa

UPPIN

uppin

that was tight shit

Damn... Damn! Where did that come from? good begining, and you kept a certain rhyme and rhythm scheme running through it, nice nice work keep it up
peace

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Raw...

...kind of chaotic in a sense. But you know, it came together quite nicely. Flowed fairly well, rhyme scene was consistent enough in not totally standing out.

...but yeah, the power and emotions of this piece was the most apparent thing. Really got right at the reader.

Tailed off a bit at times. Going into it a bit too much. But then, that's what the piece was..

...resp...