Sort of.. Just an analysis of this whole "religion thing." This rhyme's a lil simple, so it don't have the vocabulary most of my shit does now, has the feeling though... drop a word.


In this modern world, if you believe in heaven //
Most people are sure that they won’t end up within it //
It has become a tradition, due to the Hell Terms and Conditions //
That everyone on this planet has automatic free admission //
And you don’t believe in any type of god or celestial being //
You soon become overcome by your own depressing feelings //
Knowing that there’s no point and you’ll soon come to seeing //
That you might as well just die. There’s no reason in believing //
Lie all that you like. Get into every single fight //
Crime is all that one can sight, in a world without the light //
Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's? //
Why our ancestors made up this being few can truly understand //
Ahead or behind their age, but hopefully at this time and stage //
One can come to realize that the world is more than just a simple promenade//
There are people so poor and hungry, they might as well be dead.//
So much that God can appear to them in the form of only bread. //
Food that they pay for with what they sweat and what they bled //
Ignorance and disrespect is what they’re daily fed//
They need money for food, shelter, medicine, and a bed//
But they use their funds to give to the community church instead //
What type of celestial being, what kind of manifestation//
Can have billions worshipping it without a visible facilitation//
A power accreditted with apocalypse, spirit, and creation //
Such a force, it keeps even the hopeless in elation//

C'mon this aint that bad...............jee'se

Let's get some feedback on this

this is some real hot shit.......i'd say 8/10...only because the multi's and the wordplay were off the wall....the wordplay made up for the loss of vocab...which u was talkin about....i was feelin this great flow........


we should get together and collab on something..i think we could blaze this open mic

Lie all that you like. Get into every single fight //
Crime is all that one can sight, in a world without the light //
Is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's? //
Why our ancestors made up this being few can truly understand

this is my first experience readin your stuff and it was whole and solid ...I liked it alot...good multies...

Uppin This

YO THIS WUS DEEP SHIT..................IT ASKS ALOT OF QUESTIONS IN THIS PIECE......CONTEND WUS EXTRAORDINAIRE........SICK IN OTHER WORDS ........SHORT BUT LOVE EVERY LINE OF IT.......FAM


ENCORE VERSION OF WARLORDS ANTHEM COMING SOOOON!!!!!...lol

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...69&pagenumber=3

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pretty solid piece...interesting content here...

If you'd actually rhyme this it would be a few cuts in phrases because im sure you cant spit every word in each line without slurring to fit a beat..

due to some lines being kinda long, it has a more poetic feel to it...well when I read it , it was more like a poetic type piece...

stay up...

yo, thats some deep shit, to all the smokers: dont read this if u're high u might get just too damn confused lol. i like the content, makes u think about shit

Up

ok addlib...nice work,had a good message,i understand wha tyou ar ehitnking,i think exactly the same hting,how can people wrship somehting that is not there....but then i think your aiming it at the christian faith in particular,i traveled to italy and cyprus and visited great churchs and site of holy worship,covered in golds and donations flooded out the boxes,all for what?...im not sure where it all goes but id like ot know,preists dont need that much to keep fed.maybe a reason i am muslim,im not entirely sure,but anyway,this was well written,was simple,but that didnt matter,it had agood message and a strong push to it if you get me.i lied the last lines abou facilitation and such,,that ending nicely,well written,id love to see a build on it,if it could be possible nahmean,you could turn that into a good song no doubt...i liked it alot,got me thinking..


bismillah

get at me wiht future posts and stuff eh.

Deep Piece dawg.............I was feelin every Line u spit..........