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Rule of the Wealthy.
IP: 0680 3F6A
we live in a world world full of heroism, ey'day people stand up to all acts of terrorism/
people suppressed by facism, communism an' naziism/ when really all they wish for is whole hearted humanitarianism/ their land ain't thiers no more, led by scum, turned upside down and transformed into a lifeless prison/ treat with neglect by the newly arisen/ men and women cry out for help, but the world turns over, it don't want to listen/ hypnotised, led to believe their governments way is the only one/ might as well be kept behind bars, scared to speak up, kept in line by a gattlin' gun/ think of your son, what hope does he have in the long run?/ this shit has already begun, the evil must be overcome/ bestowed by power a life that one can't escape from/ kept under thumb, made to live in a fuckin' shanty slum/ many men pray for miricales, heroes fight for them thats for sure/ they protect their family, hold their own, battle with hearts so pure/ enough is enough no longer will they stand to endure/ this neverending shit that is boggin' em down, its time to secure/ their home and excile their dictator, for them is the only cure/ democracy is defined as rule of the people but i say its rule of the wealthy/ high society livin' it up when so many people are famished and unhealthy/ with no shoes, no new clothes, down trodden and filthy/ will this ever change? it is possible but the war will be hard an' lengthy/ fight the way of a guerilla its time for a revolution/ for these people this is their final solution/ we should live in a world of equal material distribution/ seek, destroy and take retribution/ just a pre-written of mine, wondered what everyone thinks. the flow could have been better i suppose. Last edited by Irriducibili : 06-03-03 at 02:12 PM. |
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Guest
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IP: 0680 3F6A
thanks for readin' ma drop
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Guest
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IP: 48E4 621C
hmm...the first half of your piece had too easy a scheme...
I mean...its really easy to rhyme "ism's" you can rhyme that all day.... secondly I see you rely on End rhymes...to pull off a good end rhyme scheme the lines shouldnt be long...and if they happen to linger there should be some internal rhyming to keep the reader moving along...because they rhyme seems boring and predictable if the lines linger but end with the same rhyme...ya dig... content is pretty ok....i'd just work on ya delivery and line length pay back the fav http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=53089 |
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BANNED for biting
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IP: FF98 53B8
^^^^^Wat he said
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