Okay this is my full rhyme so tell me what ya think

Verse 1
feels like its jus 9 months down the drain/
my face dont show the real hearts pain/
feels like its the end of the seeming endless regien/
I dont Know what or how my heart feels/
Unknown if it well get better dunno when it will heal/
my minds more fucked, confused than all of the cast in Ally Mcbeal/
a realationship like a game of darts, throw the dart & hope it hits bullseye/
then if & when it does you'll know cuz you & your partner there till you die/
the tears arent here right now but when you leave tomorrow ye ill cry/
finding the right partner is the hearts primary misson/
sex is just a bye product, so dont find ur partner on sex jus talk n listen/
seems like the time we've been togeather is years/
Ive spent more time with you than all of my peers/
bewdley high school leavers doo class 2003/
in the last picture thats me the one they call the rap guru ye thats me/
the temptation of another girl I jus couldnt over come/
ye from that experience i was pretty dumb/
but ye for my actions ill take full reponceability/
What i did made you angry & was full of negitivity/
now seems like we each gonna go solo/
maybe i can knock myself to you again just like in polo/
people say actions speak louder than words/
but how can love take action so in these words is the only way i can make me heard/
seems im in a boat thats sinking you've already got on the life raft/
ive opened my heart to you on many occastion but now u wana be friends & its jus sounds daft/

Hook
all the small things you did dont go unoticed/
when ive been evil & wrong your mind jus stayed in focus/
the love plague has hit me like a crop to a colective of locus/
i wish sometimes that my life is gonna fail/
if i gave someone a gun let them help me bail/

Hook
all the small things you did dont go unoticed/
when ive been evil & wrong your mind jus stayed in focus/
the love plague has hit me like a crop to a colective of locus/
i wish sometimes that my life is gonna fail/
if i gave someone a gun let them help me bail/

verse 2
The more i think, the more i blink, the more i blink the more my heart sinks/
everytime im around you i keep to think about our apperant "missing link"/
This time im doing this shit infomational like teletext/
& forget everything & just thourght about the raw text/
but still i stray of topic but im here to rap about you/
aaaa so what shall i say cuz u broke my heart jus proving what you can do/
cuz of us annoying each other this is our realastionships end product/
ye the ending is that its beyond recognition ye its fucked/
above all the things ill miss the wings of your compassion/
Ending our realationship like endless amounts changing fasion/
Our memories are all of the same/
still even if we meet who can we blame ? stardom to fame/
metaphoricly speakin with the add cliche/
I dont know when or If my heart will hold the demons at bay/
My mind jus in a parralel universe hope the evils will go away/
But from this experience I know I will live to see & feel a brighter Day/
so lets do this the hard way not crusifying each other/
its like pushing away a sister & pulling in a brother/
I feel like rapin the women & wasting the men/
my minds going away but i dont know if it will come back, again/
I lie to my self saying I aint missing you at all/
but the struggle with the demons leads my body to fall/

Hook
all the small things you did dont go unoticed/
when ive been evil & wrong your mind jus stayed in focus/
the love plague has hit me like a crop to a colective of locus/
i wish sometimes that my life is gonna fail/
if i gave someone a gun let them help me bail/

Interluede
well its an end of an era & it aint fair but all good things come to an end/
Not all things you can hold on to, not all things yo can defend/
but sometime with women & life the best defence is offence/
so tread ladies right when they ask you to do something in the middle of the game dont be dense/

This was whack..........Whackest piece ever........SYKE....i loved this piece....U need to up this so tha other cats could read it.....Both verses were onpoint........Your chorus was Blazing...I liked ur content.....U stayed onpoint.....U didnt fell off in any areas....Nice shit man........uppin for this cat

thanks Bash uppin fo some more

Nice drop Wooshy, i saw verse one when it was up first time round and this has turned out better than id expected, second verse was easily the best of the two to me, chorus was a pretty dope touch as well, would be beter in audio but i'll leave that one up to you. Again, a few more multi's / internals would be better, possibly some wordplay added in it would spice it up, oh, and try to get your lines so there an even number of syllables in length, that goes a huge way into developing the flow is the syllables each verse, count them out, i usually go for between 13-16 a line.
Just some advice from a vet there, but you'll learn that with time.

Elevation is the key man, keep at it, you can only get better.

Peace!

deep piece good content..and if you did cheat shame on you! lol only playin

^ lol the only person who comented on that but thank you all still upin fo some more

upps

its nice to see peeps do full songs
i should probably post more of mine
but i just record them now

i like you stuff
your style is good for your ability

they mor eyou rap the better you get

peace

Wooshy amazing yet its bin a long hard struggle but u r now officially dope keep up the good work m8, we gotta start some more unfinished business pieces!

thanks ya'll uppin fo some more

UPPS

come on peeps this is truly dope, u r sleepers fuck u!