My life, covered in a blanket of darkness, thought it found light
It spoke to me, to every word I hearkened, and held on tight
I gave my advice, said what I thought was right, and it started getting bright
I thought I'd been found, I was lost for so long, and missed out on so much
Could never look down, cause I was at the bottom, couldn't feel the slightest touch
Things started to change, started to look better, so I let the light have my kindness
She took it all and wanted more, so I let her, she was treated like a princess
After taking all I had, I lost her attention, she was there but not listening
I started getting sad, no more nice things did I mention, I wondered what was happening
It grew so cold, the light started moving away, and I started sinking again
I tried to keep hold, but couldn't get her to stay, once again I lost a good friend


This one is pretty lame compared to a lot of the people who post here, but I got what I wanted while putting it onto paper. If there's anyway I could get better I'd appreciate the advice.

^^^^
Nah man, don't think your shit is wack cause once you start downgrading your shit you'll always will write with it on ya mind. You really can't fuck up poems..........unless you are like Dr.Suess or some shit but just write your emotions and shit.........just do you. This once was nice though, I gotta give you that.....keep spittin'

I appreciate the response ILLusions. Thanks for reading it

up

I always thought I did pretty good on responding to other people's stuff..why cant I get the same in return?

i dont really know what to say...read it twice, sometimes i take a minute to catch on~ "Could never look down, cause I was at the bottom" that fragment was my favorite, it jus kinda blatently shows a state of mind....maybe im ramblin, but hey, it makes sense to me- the poem seemed a lil unfinished, but then again, that may be the effect u wanted. So all in all, it was cool to me~

Thanks, nun. Yeah, it was kinda unfinished but if I made it any longer I doubt anyone would have read it. It's hard enough to get people to respond to a short piece like this.

I Liked This...Had Deep Emotion Put Into This...Quite a Sad Topic But I felt You Expressed Your Feelings Quite Well In This Piece.
Well Done...

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[size=0.5]My Wins Always Bring Fire[/size]</center>