(THE-EGG-MAN)

THIS IS MY FIRST TIME HERE IN THE WORLD OF RAP
DISS MY SHIT TURN AROUND, GET CLAPPED
IM SITTING HERE LISTERNING TO SHIT
IF IT DONT GET BETTER SOON I'LL BURST INTO A FIT
I WISH THESE BITCHES WOULD JUST LEARN TO QUIT
I'LL PUT THEM OUT WITH A HIT LIKE A CANDLE THATS LIT

(NINE MILLIMETER)

THAT WAS THE EGG MAN'S FIRST SHOT, DONT KNOCK IT, OR HAVE YA FORGOT
WE ALL START SOMEWHERE, NOT ALL YOU'LL ARE HOT
YOUR SOME FUCKED UP BITCHES, LIKE YA HIGH ON POT
DONT GET TO ATTACHED, LIKE A BLOOD CLOTT
GET TO CLOSE, PROMISS YOU'LL GET SHOT
I'LL LEAVE A HORSE HEAD, LIE'IN IN YOUR KIDS COTT

(THE-EGG-MAN)

THATS SOME REAL SICK SHIT MAN
LIKE THE BOMBS THEY DROPPED ON SAD-AM
THE FUCK DIDNT TRY IN THE WAR
HE MAKED IT ALL SEEM A REAL BORE
THE FAGGOT WASNT MAD, JUST BAD TO THE CORE
LIKE A RAPIST WITH A KNIFE UP ON A WHORE

Not to bad, ya need to up ya vocab some more but overall it was a good thing.

Peep My newest drop, Dear God.

ya get 14 IQ points.

not bad as R.x said, improve your vocab, (don't put it all in caps!), you has a o.k line here: "I'LL PUT THEM OUT WITH A HIT LIKE A CANDLE THATS LIT" - good use of intersyllable rhyming, even if it was basic...

keep it up dawg!

not bad for first time, rhyme scheme was simple, vocab and rhymes need to be upped although u ahd some nice rhymes in there for a newbie, howeva some rhymes were not good and very dodgy, wordplay was included which is uprising for a newbie but it needs to be a lot betta

Eborted Verdict- D-

^^^^
an extremely good grade for a first timer keep writing kid