I dont kno why u had to leave so suddenly
The only thing i kno is that now ur free
And I guess its better than living in this place
But now ive got problems i just cant face
Cuz i miss the way u used to talk to me
The way u used to call me Kimasabe
The way we played ball in the basement
Now ur layin underground permanent
I remember the day they laid ur body to rest
I cried forever and not for the best
But now I kno ur in the sky above
And I give you so much love
Cuz I wish u were back and talkin to me
I hope I see u again only if he’ll let me
Cuz I kno theres things you would be mad at me for
The things I’ve done my choices so poor
I just wish I could see you one time
I kno you’d cry if I showed you this rhyme
But its all because the pain of missing you
For the best grandpa ever this is wat i do
The words cant express the pain i felt
Its been so hard cuz the pain thats been delt
But I’ve made it through but it still hurts inside
And even for a year after every nite i still cried
They were tears of pain and never joy
I miss u so much as a little boy
I remember all the great times we had
When I was around you I was never sad
Until that day when you came in the house like doom
And said I have somethin to say Brett please go to ur room
Then I heard my mother cry
And I knew you were to die
All the great times we had together
Ill remember them forever
You were so strong
And you were never wrong
You didnt deserve all the pain that was delt
All the pain that everyone has now felt
But I just hope you are watchin down on me
And let nothin bad happen for all us three
Cuz everyone misses you but i guess everyone’ll die
But now all i can do is remember and cry





Tell me what u think!

that waas strong, you got ur point accroos quick....
at first i thought it was a bf/gf kinda thing but you
then said granda, so it turned to familt member, it was
good props to ya ~check out mine called sad story~

This was done in a very nice way.

It flowed well, imagery and emotions coming fairly easily. And well, you approached it with simplicity and made it three dimensional in a way. Which is very good.

I thought you were talking about your girlfriend at the beginning. So nice twist there, quite clever. Linking two different kinds of love together, maybe?

Nice piece..

..resp...

Shiznit's Thoughts:

very well executed words. The whole theme acted upon on something that made me think that ur actually talking about someone that you love. FOr some reason i didnt even think that u actually misplaced or prolly made a u-turn and switched from one thing to another....just like what they said...the feeling that you structured on the intro made it assuming for us to think that ur talking about ur girl but at the end it turned out someone more important than that.

the purpose of restating some lines could make this a bit better.

this was worth reading...keep them droppin...

...might wanna drop some replies to others as well...it would be very appreciated.

Check Out Rhetorical Insights and Show Us More of Your Talent. ThankS!

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<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

Raw, powerful and moving.... I could feel your loss, by reading, you kept it simple, but very real, I couldn't help feeling your grief. Thanks for that, I hope it helps you with all the stress of losing a Grand Parent, I wrote when my own GrandMother passed.

Much respect

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FUCKA BABYLON BANDIT!!!

Thanx for the posts i appreciate it a lot. This was hard to write more emotion than u can believe. Thanx again