topic....Fall back down

At the start of the year i buried the land
a blanket of white varied by hand
chaos ensued as planned with crystals of ice
scattered with precision grasping man in my vice
a cold blooded life i shutdown normal existence
freeze water, block roads some ppl go out of bizness
i contaminate lungs with sicness and rule with savage
it's my job, a habit to enforce 3 months of havoc
I milk the clouds and fatten the mirth of freeze
Theres no anti as heavens grieve and release their emotions in degrees
They ignore pleas and continue to smother screams of plight
But The flakes take no fright and gather on the ground to blight…..

I change my ways and brighten up the days
thawing snow in phase planting seeds of grace
I peel back the masquerade and shine rays of life
startle uncovered sites and breathe the gift of light
cells erupt and ignite i am the water of growth
recharge old and new hopes that lie below
Splashing colours in the globe turning green with envy
Power surges in vein to temp me but i've run empty
a change of hands gently to a raging Sum's temp heat……

i prolong the nights and expand the days length
a cancerous fireball with UV's sent drawing sweat from many heads
high in the blue midst i shimmer and shine an reign
dispersing clouds i stake my claim and swallow moisture with my tongued flames
king of arid i accept blame exchanging warmth for water
lakes and river sources slaughtered crops failed by scorching abortions
i bake the lands contortions with a smile on my face
mercury surges thru gauges breaking records with elation
boiling ink rewritting the pages as stats will atest
tanning exposed flesh searing heat waves surfing this crest
this time theres no next i'm hanging for longer now
my energy has yet to run out....sorry....but i'm making Fall Back Down

I was feelin this piece fgee, i thought you caught the topic well, great topic, didn't seem borin through out, nice flow to it, nothin to crit cuz it was a dope piece and nice to read...oNe

^^^yes indeed I agree with what pot1ent said...you stuck to da topic well and you had a coupla nice multiez up in there...flow was also good...keep doin' ya thing son...I usually don't ask but can you hit up my 5:12 am keystyle??????

^^^yes indeed I agree with what pot1ent said...you stuck to da topic well and you had a coupla nice multiez up in there...flow was also good.

But it got kinda boring but whatever

Tight Flow G Nice Multies 2...Dope Verse Playa

some proper responses please,,,,,

tight flow,good rhyme scheme,this drop was hot,i liked this shit,keep spittin.~1~

^ He asked for 'proper' responses, not one line wonders. .


Not a bad verse, although, the changing bar lengths threw the flow way off at times, but you could fix that quite easily by simply adding a syllable, or taking a few out. More internals would help this piece a lot, seriously, thats the main problem that stuck out as i read it, more multi's may of helped it too. Other than that, the imagery and content was pretty good, second verse was easily the best of the three, third verse finished kind of abruptly, id of liked to see it extended and made into a full length piece to get more imagery in there, but as it was, it made for a nice piece, just a few minor flaws you needed to work out.

Reply To Mine:
Burnt Bridges
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70954
Wonderful Women
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70898

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

^ whats up fat fuck?the gay porn forums are down again so u humped here ya british lamer