yo this is called "why i write" im lookin for feedback

i sit and remorse, did i choose the wrong course?
grotesque i go by cuz it explains me of course
but i dont know why but i speak hypethicly
i live tiresom unhappy and pethicly
when i got so much to be happy with and for
but when i go the way i go theres to many doors
i love hip hop, cant say anything bad about it
im sure a few of u feel the same way but shit
people say i got other things in store for me, shit i wanna be
but i wanna be a musician, eye for an eye as far as i can see
so i take my chances coincadincly, not liven up to every aspect
life is a freedom i have so i act delicuently, knowin what to expect

talkin-
this is my story why i write, why i do this shit
why this is my life

IM DEPRESSED from this shit, IM DEPRESSED from this bitch
2 bitches that is sayin nuttins wrong in front of there kids
i know its not outa the ordinary, but everys gota have roots
i mean i came from dumbasses so thats why i do what i do
look it was a disgrace to see theres faces
tears streamin down faces jus seemes outa place
but in this case, they werent misplaced
my heart started to chase, and race
the fighten the hurtin, the hatin the arguing
my perents life together is over and barging
into my life, and they say it wont effect me, ITS FUCKIN DIVORCE
ur life effects me, who i live with effects me, U FUCKIN WHORES
they say that the shits gana stay real
well my depression is real, get the deal?
but they didnt, kept fighten, so i started writen
feelins started to lighten, stresses werent so tighten
so i write cuz im depressed and i hate parts of my life
i explained it, some people ask why i write, its a commonly asked question cuz im white
and i say that dont mean shit im not rappin bout how im in a gang
or my bling bling or my hoes, i rep my life and that kinda thang
not sayin u gota be black to rep that stuff its jus dat i dont
and i wont, cuz typicly i dont got any, so i wont

this is why i write, this is why i write
raps the love of my life
this is why i write, this is why i write
im depressed some times but thats allright
this is why i write, this is why i write

like i said i represent my life, and my stinkin memorys
im young, 15, but its like my bodys damaged from henesy
but its jus damamaged from life and the abuse i put it through
its hard to explain what pain will make u do to you
the stains my body has withstained, i have to gain
mental knolege cuz its time for me to change
my perents dont understand me they dont know what i see
i try to explain it to them but they jus explain shit back to me
like what they doin is ok like what they sayin is right
but what they doin aint ok i wanna be outa the spot light

this is why i write
raps the love of my life
this is why i write
im depressed some times but thats allright
this is why i write

lookin for feedback

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Corrupted Visions

real concious well composed graphic needs a lil triming but over all a great read.you have the right idea and our expressive now make interesting even to those who dont care whay you are writting aboute

thanx dawg

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Corrupted Visions

PEEP MY ORDO ABACHO PEACE WITH MY BROTHER NOE BRAINER

ok ill peep it in a few minutes, still lookin for feedback, im slept on again

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Corrupted Visions

this was good bud, need some elevation, your vocab is there, but that too could use a bit of work, but you kept to the point, and thats good enough, i give ya a 7/10

hit my piece up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=72088

thanx man, sure thing, 1

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Corrupted Visions

uppin............................................. .........

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Corrupted Visions