I
am black overtaxed trapped within this senseless system
think
things that overwhelm my uneducated brothers and sisters
dark
memories of inequality when freedom was more than livid
thoughts
of unfortunate feelings where god is missing
so
i move forth inside the dank deranged manger of the matrix
my
fathered seeds recieve reprieve inside the unfallible oasis
children
love all without second thoughts on this world of creation
can
we all crawl with their sense of resolve without hating
live
true to yourself find strength in a childs ignorance
with
a chance to redeem your mortal souls inner pennance
an
indepent sentence shows the gifted a way to intimate
open
lines of communication within other races
mind
your manners those that are different can be loving faces

The break up of lines confused me a little at
first and I was putting emphasis on words I
don't think I should have been, but still
I liked this...it makes you think, and seems
to twist it's meanings a few times.....
Well done

Strong with a gritty wisdom.

Portraying in a very blunt yet effective way a corner of society ridden with problems. Yet people don't see that it's actually goes right into all corners, as well as the heart.

A nice fresh approach executed very well. The meaning coming through with solid substance.

...resp...

All responses are greatly appreciated thank you for the feedback.
However, I get the feeling no one saw my hidden message even though it is hiding in the open please read again and this time with your heart.

~a guitar playing something rough..saul williams like~
Saul Williams - Out Of My Life (Slam..1998 movie I think)
- Pennies For A Thought

I could see someone saying your words by themself
as your preaching on..or you pausing to catch the
crowds attention...I dont see any other reason
you would structure this in such a way

if im not on point I appologize but I just got the feeling
that you were standing on a platform from your first line

and the crowd in agreement was cheering as you paused...
like church..or when someones awarded and thanks people...

not bad...and I hate taxes..im from PA..and our
mayor can burn in hell for making our city bankrupt

la paz

Is saw it prophit. I think dark thoughts so my children can live with an open mind. I dig that most definetly. Because along with the 'light' side of thr world, comes the 'dark' side, and to understand the world n what not, you need to 'know' both....well, along those lines..

..resp...

I think dark thoughts so my children can live with an open mind


I saw this too, I saw this as your way of protecting your children. Maybe if we take the world upon our shoulders, they wont have to deal with the ugly so often... Thats how I felt when I read this. Being a single mother myself, I can understand the desire.. Unfortunately, it never seems to work that way..
When I first started reading this I felt lost and helpless, but toward the end I felt more like a loving parent trying to pass onto my child, understanding.

open
lines of communication within other races
mind
your manners those that are different can be loving faces

I have an affiliation for your writing profiit, even though our experiences are obviously different, I love your style.. all your work so far,and with this one, the hidden message in there was something fresh and different to the average poem.
Nice work.

__________________

yes that is part of it but you're just off of the point so far Content has been the closest think of this as not something i'm writing but listening to. Thank you for the feedback