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Old 08-25-03, 03:12 PM   #1
mantis
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Makin mantis known to the masses

IP: 17A2 5B08

This is the mantis, makin my debut/
My shit sucks ass, about as slick as wood glue/
Dont fuckin get me wrong, dont misconstrue/
The shit that I bring to the table and serve you/
Im like the flu, leavin yall bedridden fo days/
Heads spinnin, at the begginnin of shit to be sprayed/
Oh wait, dont get me wrong dont take it the wrong way/
I just wanted to jump right into the fray/
I havent given a fuck since about the age of three/
Age four, I grabbed a sword and started dismanteling/
Human beings, wrappin em up, and then delivering/
Every piece to the front porch of their family/
So just flee, kick rocks, before you attract my attention/
You better leave otherwise ill smack you outta contention/
My shit seems like its from a retard convention/
You fuckin best believe that I got some mo shit to mention/
But for now Ill close up shop with dis last verse/
I got intentions of pollutin' yall like a fast curse/
Call the undertaker, make sure you reserve a hearse/
What am I sayin, my shits worse than fred durst's/
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Old 08-25-03, 03:44 PM   #2
shiznit
Tampons are expensive
 
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Shiznit's THoughts:


Not a bad one but couldve been better. Try longer lines added a but of imagery and metas. THey would reveal the true meaning of your piece. It will enhance the weak parts of it.

"Age four, I grabbed a sword and started dismanteling"

I remembered this one scene at some movie where AShton Kutcher was dreaming about fighting with somebody using a lightsaber. Star-wars attack!

You could work it out. NOt a bad piece at all.
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