I wrote this poem for my girl when I woke up this morning, ... as I thought back of the emotional night before. I caught her kissing my best friend and was torn apart. She cheated on me a couple of months ago and I forgave her. Now I realize that was the worst decision ever made.
Honest comments are very much appreciated






As I wipe the sleep from my eyes, it’s just another day that feels like this
yet another day sailed with life’s bitter kiss

I remember still far more than I would like to from last night
saw you standing there with my best friend by your side

At that moment I felt your warmth, but couldn’t touch your soft skin
I felt betrayed as I saw you committing the worst sin

You were bending forwards and were softly kissing his bitter lips
you wrapped your arms around his neck as he placed his on your hips

which each drink I drunk, I was drifting further away from this world
the further off I got the harder it was for me to return

Deep inside I knew my love for you was and still is never-ending
but for some reason you’ve been rejecting the love that I’ve been sending

I need you to give me a reason to live, just one more day
Just let me once more feel your bright light thru the rain

I realize... my wounds are too dry for any more bleeding
My blood too drained for any more streaming

my lungs are exhausted by all the breathing
have to let it go cuz my mind’s too tired to keep grieving

I really liked this 1!I mean Imagery was there.It kinda lagged on vocab

It was like wen i was reading it i could feel ur emotions.

But hope everything works out 4 tha better.

Word of advice:u forgave her once and she took advantage of it.
She probably thought u were gonna forgive her wenever u did it.Prove her wrong!

Thas just my opinion!No hate!

Overall i give it a 7/10!Nice Drop!

~KeEp UpPiN~1luv~

^^ thanks for uppin, very much appreciated
The piece just came outta my pen ya know... I held so much emotions inside that I didn't even had the time to time bout what I was writtin down.
Thanks for your word of advice, ... I'll keep it in mind.
Resp.

iight

thats how most of my stuff comes out, right off the top of my head, straight from the heart, from pen to paper, not really thinking, then go back over it after, adding more into the emotion so on

man this was sad, but we hear it alot, it seems now a days alot of ppl dont see how bad they hurt ppl by cheating. but you still got me thinking, and you got emotions across strong,

it was simple and kept to point, all and all i liked it, could have up the vocab some thou, keep postin

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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^^thanks for honest uppin
Cheating is prolly one of the wurst things I'll ever have to deal with.
I just lost my trust in a lot of people ya know, definitely cuz it was with my best friend too.
But anywayz, I'll try to work on the vocab and rewrite it
resp

As I wipe the sleep from my eyes, it’s just another day that feels like this
yet another day sailed with life’s bitter kiss


the line wasnt the best of openers.....day seems to be repetitive...i feel with your skill you coulda worded that a lot better...


well...all and all...i dont really like the poem....it is your emotions i can see...but the delievery of it all just seemed plain and dull... im sorry you had to deal wit ya boi cheatin on you though...i hope you work ya problems out..

igido

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freelance

RN Vs RB WAR!!....yr 2000...vet~~YEA I SAID VET!! WHAT YOU WANT ME TO PROVE IT? STEP THEN YOU FUCKING HOMO'S