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Old 09-02-03, 04:52 AM   #1
DªÖ
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"I heard......."

IP: 8A94 4F7B

...I heard of a place where people dont put no fight...
...no screamin of turf or screamin bout ya shitty life...
...I hear of a place where niggaz dont have to front..
...where only the front u put up with is the front of ya blunt...
...Somedayz i wish we'd go there but sometimes my minds livin in devils aboade...
...why is it that we dreamin of life and yet we livin in this "Wide Open Road"...
...My family is torn, my friends were never born wheres my blood or my water?...
...Nigga i dont have shit to quench my thirst or a mother or father...
...where were they when i got my fucking first black eye...
...where were they when i got the shit kiked outa me and i was forced to lie...
...No where to be found so thats why i dream of this place...
...The place i heard of where you dont get a fist to the face...
...Wheres this place?...

-Reality:Its bullshit.-

Narrow Road: Bible says there are 2 roads
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Old 09-02-03, 04:59 AM   #2
WORD~PERFECT
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GOOD CONCEPT LACKED A LIL ON WORDING BUT WAS DECENT.

YOU DID WHAT YOU CANME TO DO AND NOW IT IS DONE BUT IF YOU REWIND THE HANDS OF TIME THEN IT WOULD COMEW TO HAVE NEVER BEEN FULLY DONE.

MEANS YOU CAN STILL TAKE THIS BACK AND MAKE IT BETTER IT ISNT INM STONE SO RE READ AND RE THINK AND TO MAKE IT FROM GOOD TO THE BEST.
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Old 09-02-03, 06:16 AM   #3
James Bondage
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Flow started off good but then you lost it mid way hrough, thats due to the bar lengths changing, you need to keep the roughly the same length syllable wise to sustain the flow. Content was its strong point, a few lines were nicely worded such as the 'Front of the blunt' line, there's not really a lot more to say on this piece, go and write one to a set topic and make it longer, something roughly 20 lines, then we'll see what you can do a little better. .
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Old 09-03-03, 03:41 AM   #4
DªÖ
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^^ i got mad lmao and i was super duper bored

so yea i wasted all my illness on stupid cyphers
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We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
Aesop
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