Having a family, wife and kids-
And losing them because of past experiences-

Waking up every day of my life alone-
Some nights holding a pillow in my home-
As if I was with someone and not on my own-

It took God 7 days to make life, I haven’t even started and I’m 17-
One day, maybe, please, I will spread my seed, and hope he or she is better than me-
That’s my golden wish, one which I fish the sea for-
Cuz that’s where I was told there were plenty more-
It must’ve been a fib, I’ve sunk to its floor-
I tried to do what God did-
And now I only have 12 ribs-

Maybe I’ll donate to a sperm bank-
I won’t be able to see my son or daughter-
They’ll be in the hands of another, the ones that bought ‘em-
No, I can’t do that they need the right mother-
And for that I truly need to love her-

I don’t understand why so many relationships haven’t lasted-
I feel every female is a princess, which I say before they ask it-
I’ll I want is to share our souls together-
And if the wind raises, I’ll shelter you from the weather-

Love? it is that much to ask?
Or is my heart meant to be in a cast?

i liked that...felt kinda off an on to a different flow now an then but it was good, i liked your end bar..it was cool, simple vocab but seemed to need it for his piece..good spit later

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

Not bad.....

But I would have spread out the rhyming and all that a bit more...like one rhyme at the end of every 2 lines....

Other than that....Its good....But Ive seen better from you

PZZ

Thanks,

Yeah, I don't know, I did it in school today...and basically wanted to keep it simple...or something like that.. Bahh I forget,

Anywhoo thanks.

And if the wind raises, I’ll shelter you from the weather-

this is heart felt. it hits the soul. good stuff, keep posting.

and that you did brovah!

anyway, this was a nice piece. The emotion made it, theres no doubt about that. Your flow was a bit off, but for something written in class, that can be expected.

I know what you mean about the love.
I'm feeling about the same way right now.


it is sad that that didn't flow. if it did, it would possibly have been one of the best verses I've ever read. in terms of content, it is.
it is amazing.

I really can't say anything more than that.
this is some good fucking writing.
Peace

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Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis