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Old 09-12-03, 03:48 PM   #1
Fatal D
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Exclamation Sumin i wrote durin skool tday

IP: 690B 80D9

give me an idea of what you think:
Im the wind that moves the trees/
send a tremour to your knees/
Im an earth quake/
make the world shake/

with my presence there comes fear/
my lyrics peirce through your ear/
to your ear drum/
i am fatal D the only one/
im unique/
the way i walk, the way i speak/

my ryhmes are so tight/
mixed up emotions from deep inside/
try all you might/
take my life but not my pride/

tell me what you think it took me 5 mins to come up wid that.
i appriciate your thoughts
.............D
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Old 09-12-03, 03:54 PM   #2
Funda-mentalz
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^^terrible. you need to expand your vocab and really use something from your life to make people feel it.
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Old 09-12-03, 03:59 PM   #3
Ryu
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Dag...^^^agree with him....u need to work on ur voccab and expaond ur linez


holla at myne...i think i got somthing u could feed off of...Not puttin urs down...

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=79314
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Old 09-12-03, 10:20 PM   #4
rule
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for a newbie...u did iight....i take it you juz starten though...try to up your vocab..right bout things you feel for...maybe your hate for poverty...give people the 4-11 on your inflantations peace msn check my drop out venom..later
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Old 09-14-03, 03:09 AM   #5
aintgonnastop
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for a newb u's aight, but u need to make ur lines longer, the vocab and wordplay needs to elevate, but whatever, just keep postin and maybe put in more thought than 5 min before postin cause the work u put into ur rhymes reflects the way they are read, so just keep ur chin and keep postin dude.
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