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Checking in...

Lets make it a good one Bruk...

This shall be good Chrit.

Oh, and about lines...how long do you want it? Or does it not matter?

Doesnt matter...
I'll pry be right around 20...
Its only the preseason....

Well... I've never written a topical before...

So blah...
12 lines...
Writers block...

Facade of family life... I should be happy right?...
Though absent of meaning... Constatly hoping for white light...
Wanting to please the hateful... priorities out of proportion...
Is my fate to live life known only as another failed abortion...
So I put up a front... and popularity follows...
Still full of sorrow... shouldnt have todays... so fuck tomrrows...
Everything seems so perfect but emotions still on the fence...
Hope gone... from now on my future shall be past-tense...
Life should be joyous right? Society cant be that wrong...
Slowly knowing it cant be long... until these notes comprise a suicide song...
Happiness out of reach... plans to reach it always fail...
Seems like I"m just doomed to forever chase my tail...


^^^
better than a no-show I suppose
blah...

Started out in a sea of me-
Parted from brothers of familiarity-
Comparingly a short journy to the egg of hers-
Came in a cup labelled formally "Anonymous soldiers"-
Kicking moris code demanding "feed us"-
I was youngest, a difference of a minute leaving the fetus-
From the second of liberation I knew my place-
Second to one with the same face-
I got an "A" he perfected an "A Plus"-
With each passing day my loved formed more rust-
Sure my parents fed me...but only enough-

After I moved out, contact became less-
Even with a PhD I was still second best-

In around the age of eighty one-
I read a story entitled "The Neglected Son"-
The authors name "Chester Desting"-
In the back, a picture of a man standing-
His story and face held many similarities to mine-
I did some research and got what I wanted to find-
Chester was twenty at the beginning of my time-
and not to long ago he apperently died-
A rumour was a float, with boyanncy-
And my suspiscion formed truth infront of me-
At the age of twenty, he made sperm deposits-
Basically he needed something to line his pockets-
It also read the address of his barial ground-
Which via a plane and an expensive taxi I found-
It lay in a forest, through a narrow trail-
His stone read "Chester Desting - Chase your tale"
-Bruklor-

^^^

Nice shit Bruk...

Vote time...

Chrit Please win...I don't feel like doing more LoL...I haven't written for myself really for a while...

SImple Break Down Here

Opener - Chrit
On Topic - Both
Metas - Bruklor
Wordplay - Bruklor
Depth - Bruklor
Enjoyment - Both
Creativity - Bruklor
Finisher - Bruklor

Overall - Bruklor

Return It
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...?threadid=80100

yeah....Chrit...good job for ur first topical battle......but...u need
more work on it such as graspin the topic better....wordplay...
blah blah blah........Bruk.....u came wit nice wordplay.....good grab
on the imagery......yadda yadda yadda............not bad from both

vote: Bruklor

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Blessed wit Skillz

damn. well, this was a good one.

Chrit- dude, first topical? pretty sick. If you made it longer, it would be much better. Your flow was a little off at times, but the content was off the hook. Your opener was as cool as they get, facade is a great word.

Bruk- Nice shit dude. You took a perspective that I didn't expect. I liked the twisting of the topic. Only bad thing was the quotations.
"sure, my parents fed me...but only enough"

Dopeness.
vote-bruk

just an overall better verse.

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

Thanks all.

Yeah, like everyone said, Chrit great job for your first topical. Do more and you'll get better. One thing if you want to practice, grab the topics from a couple of the other battles and write to them, it would give you more experience and practice. That is...if you want.

Good work dude,