I met a pretty girl today, she had the eyes of an angel
But when i looked into em', I saw my life get mangled
She didn't mean to do it, she was a sweet innocent girl
I lusted so bad, but didnt know it would end my world
I took her out to lunch, not knowing the consequences
Didn't make her spend a dime, I paid all of the expences
We had a conversation, I could feel the tension cookin
Her shirt was cut so low, I couldnt keep myself from lookin
Tryin to look away, tryin ta remember my girl of a year
But everytime i tried to think, memories of her dissapeared
All i could think of now was her skirt that was just so short
And i knew I had the chance, knew the ball was in my court
And then she stole my heart, this is where it got coplex
Cause she told me she was a virgin, and was lookin to have sex
The next thing she told me, brought my lust way past tempation
She envited me to her house, cause her parents were on vacation
And i have no explanation, for the actions I took next
Cause the next thing that i knew, we were on i-80 west
She looked at me with this smile, while she bit her bottom lip
I came into the day unarmed, but my soldier became equipped
We got to her house, there was nobody home just like she said
She took me through the front door, and lead me right onto her bed
She started kissin on my neck, and asked me if I had protection
I said yeah, but what i should have said was "stay away from my erection"
Right away she started undressin, my eyes were stuck on her like glue
She helped me take of my shirt, and started kissin on my tattoo
She had the body of a nymph, there was not the slightest imperfection
She had mirrors all over her room, so i could see every point of reflection
It was like watching a movie, I felt like i was floating above it all
Soaring higher and higher into the sky, but only to trip an fall
I didnt mess up durin sex, she had an orgasm for her first time
I messed up after sex, and thats the story behind this rhyme
Because right after we were done, she hurried into the other room
While i just layed back in the bed, and smelled the scent of her perfume
When I met her I got her name, Gianna, I told her it was pretty
And she was impressed when i told her i was from the motor city
But theres one thing that I forgot, and this is important just because
As of last weel I'm now 18 and i didnt know how old she was
I didnt worry much at first, but then i finally asked her then
She didnt speak at first, she kinda looked at me and grinned
It took her a moment, but she whispered in my ear the number 14
My face turnd totally white, then red, like i got burned without sunscreen

simple but this was a good peace it seams you were just fucking around and did this out of boredom but it was adecent peace no doubt.

its was a comical way of saying it but fucked up non the less

the flow was easy to find and i read the piece without a problem
the way she bit her lip is just like my ex.. but thats a different open mic...

the rhyme scheme you kept to was simple becuase your story was more important.. the vocab was good as was the imagry
good drop sir!

if you would be so kind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=80529
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=80134

interesting concept crazy ass plot twist at the end. the flow was cool the vocab was a little watered down but you used a storytelling format so that is to be expected.

She started kissin on my neck, and asked me if I had protection
I said yeah, but what i should have said was "stay away from my erection"
Right away she started undressin, my eyes were stuck on her like glue
She helped me take of my shirt, and started kissin on my tattoo
She had the body of a nymph, there was not the slightest imperfection
She had mirrors all over her room, so i could see every point of reflection

^i love this part the first two lines showed he was uncomfortable and yet still deep down wanted to stay the second part just made her look like a freak. and i hope this isn't a true story that would make you r. kelley. lol. just playing dawg good drop

....it is a true story... im the rap battles.com r-kelly damnit


but i wasnt thinkin at the time because im a senior and the girl was a sophmore... so i didnt think she was THAT young... and i JUST turned 18 last week

DAMN POP

^^^what u mean?

LMAO!!!!!! wow...this shit was crazy...I been caught lookin' at 14 year old girlz too so it's natural...lol...but I don't fuck with no girlz under 17...but this shit was good...the flow was good... a few more multi'z woulda helped though...the story and concept were creative although this was a true story...and overall this was a hot drop...keep doin' ya thing dunny...

yeha i know... its hard to think tho when this shit is all up in your head ya know... i was just tryin ta rhyme a story

im gonna up this one time......... see if anyone else gets to read it