chorus: i think i finally found the perfect girl it took so long/
our relationships built on trust our love is so strong/
it was til death do us part until i pass my soul on/
now its so long, i guess i fell in love with miss wrong/

verse1:
who woulda thought the 3 years i was with you was a fuckin waste of time/
waited my place in line until that unoccupied space was mine/
heavenly face that shine, but they say love can make you blind/
think of you all the time, images oof you sketches, etched inside my mind/
couldnt see through your desguise, beatiful angel, guess you halo covered your horns/
our relationships no more, your like a rose but now i gotta find one without the thorns/


ok thats all i have so far tell me how you think its coming alonog so far.. if you wanna know the full story behing it just post in this thread and ask me i'll update this when i'm finished with the whole thing if everybody is feelin this little bit.

the hook was simple but to the point

the verse was rather short, also simple... try not to repeat mind 2 times... the flow was easy to find but the rest just lacked... little vocab, the idea is not a new one so you have to make your different from everyone elses...

i would like to see the final piece

if you dont mind
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=80134
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=80529

not an extremely original concept, but one that a lot of people can relate to. take more time on it cause in parts it could be improved. peace