I have driven to the devil and asked for his pardon
Pushed everything aside, I allow my heart to harden

Crystallized these tears,
More or less prohibited them from falling
Castrisized my fears
And made evil my calling

Washed my self upon the shores of misery
A place I cannot belong
Somehow a calling has reached me deliberately
And sang it's freedom song

So as I saunter towards the inward dry land
Something in me is released
The wind is playfully nipping at my hands
And the pain you've caused has ceased


I can honestly say that this is the fastest poem I've ever written and it came from within me, I'm not sure where because like I've said I don't know what it's about, but it's in me and obviously the thing that most needed to get out. Haven't written in a minute so I guess this was bottled up.

I'm not sure what it's about either.

I think it'd be amazing if it was sung to piano music.

I loved the crystalized tears line.

Something odd about the first two lines. Not a bad odd, just an odd odd.

And the wind nipping at your hands line is odd too. But only because I'm used to hearing people describing something nipping at their heels instead. Unless your running on your hands.

I guess if I had to guess at what it's about... I'd guess it's about you not making a deal with the devil, but rather going back to him after betraying him. And then becoming some sort of hollow shell of your former self. Only later to wake up on a beach, the shores of misery, and then walk into the woods. And there something possesses you and finalizes the devil emptying out the part of you that lets you feel emotions.

Sing it with piano music and then have a short anime styled cartoon of the discription above... it would so totally make an awe inspiring car commercial.

~Shalom~

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

mmmk... I have to say that's gotta be the most original reply to a poem, a car commercial? Were you in an odd mood or was that really what you felt? At any rate thank you for your imput and opinions however entertaining they may be, I got a good laugh. Peace

So as I saunter towards the inward dry land
Something in me is released
The wind is playfully nipping at my hands
And the pain you've caused has ceased

You were able to have it removed, whatever been hidden within that needed to come out. Same as Necromancer, madea deal with the devil to have it removed. nice and original. peace

i don't think the devil thing is supposed to be literal (sorry necro)
in my opinion the "devil" in this piece is a real live person.....someone who you maybe did wrong.....sounds to me like a guilty concience really.....probably why this worked itself out so quickly.....the poem was nice stylized and it flowed off the tongue superbly...i give this a thumbs up....thank you

You're right about the devil thing being a metaphore... I think this whole peice was one big metaphore. I can see how it may be a guilty conscience, not really for something that I did, more or less for something that was done to me. Something I feel like I let happen in a way, smell me? Thanks about the flow, I wasn't sure how well it was constructed or if it sounded right to others, but hey it's all about other's perception. Thank you for your imput, peace