Downing Spirits on the Ghost Train. . Provoking the Folk of Now A Days,
Pirate of the Sound Waves. With Buried Treasures under my Foul Taste.
A Sour Fate Followed Suit Tomorrow’s Youth drew from the Zinc Prisms,
Now Creating Visual Blizzards. . its the Blink and you’ll Miss It Ink Wizard.
His linked wisdom remains Un-Matched, Echo his Surface Scratched Plee,
But in his Family Tree, he’s now Carved a Masterpiece of Crafted Speech.
the Last to Breath, so Tactfully written, Actually spittin a Sacred scripture,
An Artist at Heart. . Sits in the Dark to Paint A Picture of A Painted Picture.
This tainted fixtures recalling thoughts of when a man in the noose jumps
Nine to Five Raps R.L Stine. . What I Write gives The reader Goosebumps.
Center of a Media Zeus Hunt to Steal My Thunder with intellectual patients,
Feeling like. .the Assorted Assortment reserved Only for Special Occasions.
Fatal Sediments Paving the Game And, Yet i Face Fears with a Game Plan,
& now Fakes Sneer at the Way Cam's like Shakespeare with A Spray Can.
Takes Years for a Made Man to lay Goblets, Stay Honest, Amaze n Astonish
able to Cradle a sonnet, placing Food for Thought onto a Table of Contents.
Maybe ive Lost It. . my Inspiration feeds Logic in Fables & Topics now i see,
Tomorrow as a Lot More than Twenty Four Hours. . but as an Oppourtunity.
While Rocking Fluently with Martian Guitarists, my Hearts been Lead Astray,
Intended to Stay Slane, im that Second before Midnight that'll End Your Day.
Nothing Ventured, is nothing gained. Rhymes Complex like My Minds Design,
Pleedin`, & Revenge is Sweeter than the Sugar Coated lies you Hide Behind.

Welcome to the Block. .
. .of No Emotion, and False Expression as The Wind Blows,
where The Path To Success is actually a Yellow Brick Road
The townsfolk are out of reach, never speak, bicker or kiss,
just go about their Buisness in an inch high of Ignorant Bliss.
Its sinking in, & drowned in despression, pen holds my sight
This is torture, maybe i should just give up, and Lego of Life. .

Its Sink or Swim . . you either Think to Win or Drown in the Waves Present
of your Saviours Pen, Bleeding The Stone Dry, Hope's Cries played & spent,
Ladies and Gents. were your Lives Meant to be Bent across? All love is lost,
But this is where I started caring. And this is where I stopped.
I care a lot for my Surroundings, yet this Mountain of mounting depression,
Seems to Be, Bleeding the Scenery, leaving imagery Doubting my questions
Id shout from the heaven of Cloud Nine and Sew its Lining, twining a verse,
Lonely, & made to feel like the Scum of the Earth on the Scum that is Earth.
Stumbling First. . then Gathering Pace, Disparaged Marriage of Love & Hate,
Amongst Waves of Tongueless Fate, Predicting this Diction Above the State.
The Colours Fade, Distortin My Pride, Red White and Blue caught in My Eyes,
but can the cross of Saint George Take Force and Change the Course of my Life?
Tortured Inside . . my Mind Was Set, & Tonight Was It, my Escape Planned,
Id follow the Rainbow and then Discover the Colours held Inside Fates Hand,
Eyes Glazed and Abstract, the White Hope holdin a Kaleidoscope Joint show,
A man of the Digital Age, maybe i should log off and install 'Life: Version 2.0'
I Attoint Flow to Sum up my Worth, Write to Stomach the Hurt in Morbid Lips,
a Blazing Ode to Amazing Gold, no chance of Stopping This Block Apocalypse.
Mocking scripts with False Ideas. . so This Plastic Town, Cant Bring Me Down
Wondering while Wandering amidst Blocks of Bottle Tops, an Singing Frowns. .

Welcome to the Block. .
. .of No Emotion, and False Expression as The Wind Blows,
where The Path To Success is actually a Yellow Brick Road
The townsfolk are out of reach, never speak, bicker or kiss,
just go about their Buisness in an inch high of Ignorant Bliss.
Its sinking in, & drowned in despression, pen holds my sight
This is torture. maybe i should just give up, and Lego of Life. .

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

The flow was dope..um... maybe a few more internals would of helped it out...

Only advice i got for you...lol...shows i can't help ya elevate..lmao

But multis were tight as fuck

An Artist at Heart. . Sits in the Dark to Paint A Picture of A Painted Picture.
This tainted fixtures recalling thoughts of when a man in the noose jumps
Nine to Five Raps R.L Stine. . What I Write gives The reader Goosebumps.

multi's were dope...(why the fuck i even quating you multi's...you know they all there..lol)

...places of your flow kicked it

Mocking scripts with False Ideas. . so This Plastic Town, Cant Bring Me Down
Wondering while Wandering amidst Blocks of Bottle Tops, an Singing Frowns

^^wurdness of dopeness...alot of tight internals and the alliteration was ill...don't see alot of it...But you know we should

Fatal Sediments Paving the Game And, Yet i Face Fears with a Game Plan,
& now Fakes Sneer at the Way Cam's like Shakespeare with A Spray Can.

^^Your content was extradoinary, you hit on ideas i can't think most people wouldn't...Guess thats why you open mic legend..lmao





You deserved to get signed for U.K heads to hear dopeness

wow this was alot longer than i thought it would be
so much on legos?

ok the flow was one of the best iv seen reading this was actually fun and i was waiting to see who you would rhyme each word or your choice of what to say.

the vocabulary was 9/10 i felt you could have used 1 or 2 more here or there, and like 1 in the whole thing seemed forced

I care a lot for my Surroundings, yet this Mountain of mounting depression,
Seems to Be, Bleeding the Scenery, leaving imagery Doubting my questions

the use of mountain-mounting ruined it for me, either than that it was 9/10 for vocab

this was a great drop and im taking notes

if you would be so kind (sorry its alot,can u hit one up at least)
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81665
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81616
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=81183

Shiznit's thoughts.....a lot of it.

...But Before anything else I would like to say..honestly..that ...

......LEgo is dope. Yay for Cam.

...Alright alright...here goes my constructive critisms.


Downing Spirits on the Ghost Train. . Provoking the Folk of Now A Days,
Pirate of the Sound Waves. With Buried Treasures under my Foul Taste.

Hmm...sounds like an Edgar Allen Poe type of intro thing. You started it directly to the point your going through. The weary setting struck. Its like thunderbolt with electric shock. The metaphors used would likely make me think of the movies Pirates of the Carribean and Ghost ship...the mere fact that you were talking about other things..it just swept into my mind. Great start up.

A Sour Fate Followed Suit Tomorrow’s Youth drew from the Zinc Prisms,
Now Creating Visual Blizzards. . its the Blink and you’ll Miss It Ink Wizard.

Although the first line made it easier for me to go one step ahead to your writing the second line made it kinda clever. Yet, the statment is true. It ups my former perspective for lackness. From there to reality made it more clear.

His linked wisdom remains Un-Matched, Echo his Surface Scratched Plee,
But in his Family Tree, he’s now Carved a Masterpiece of Crafted Speech.

As i see through these lines youve taken one step further more through your piece..you're basically trying to give a background about your character.

the Last to Breath, so Tactfully written, Actually spittin a Sacred scripture,
An Artist at Heart. . Sits in the Dark to Paint A Picture of A Painted Picture.

Now those what you call classic lines that would never fade. THe strength of your words' boundaries shears the essence of its true meaning. Adding that Sacred Scripture line made it slightly even expressed the writer's feelings (which is you). ANd the last line...uhhhh I would hate you for that..*glares*..lol...such passion i see through every letter. The message itself had a lot of emotions and through the eyes of others ..they would see a lot from there. Nice job

This tainted fixtures recalling thoughts of when a man in the noose jumps
Nine to Five Raps R.L Stine. . What I Write gives The reader Goosebumps.

Another writer's expression of his orginality. Using R.L. Stine and his books Goosebumps was pretty good, but more likely to compressed such powerful previous lines.

Center of a Media Zeus Hunt to Steal My Thunder with intellectual patients,
Feeling like. .the Assorted Assortment reserved Only for Special Occasions.

Alright..this was somewhat the struggles that your character was going to and from. It seems to me like before he was the center of attention but now he's just an ordinary that others wouldnt think he existed.


Fatal Sediments Paving the Game And, Yet i Face Fears with a Game Plan,
& now Fakes Sneer at the Way Cam's like Shakespeare with A Spray Can.

Exquisite words. Executed mostly with emotions felt from it. Nice use of SHakespeare being a great writer and handing him down with a spray can. I liked it.[\i]

Takes Years for a Made Man to lay Goblets, Stay Honest, Amaze n Astonish
able to Cradle a sonnet, placing Food for Thought onto a Table of Contents.

[i]Growing up the battles of life and being literally a man. Integrated image spoken soundingly from truth and pains hardly ever knew from then on.

Maybe ive Lost It. . my Inspiration feeds Logic in Fables & Topics now i see,
Tomorrow as a Lot More than Twenty Four Hours. . but as an Oppourtunity.

Retractment of words livingly expressed from which i may prefer to as wise. You've taken a big jump from your characters then through yours. Seems to me that we are more programmed than actually feeling what we want to feel. We are devices of a program and were just doing and gaining knwoledge to what they want to feed our brains with. Second line deliberately joined the realism where you can say.."i dont give up'..more opportunites ahead and Tomorrow it may change."

While Rocking Fluently with Martian Guitarists, my Hearts been Lead Astray,
Intended to Stay Slane, im that Second before Midnight that'll End Your Day.

Lines were brilliant yet subtle...its very much the end but its not...counter reaction came to me.

Nothing Ventured, is nothing gained. Rhymes Complex like My Minds Design,
Pleedin`, & Revenge is Sweeter than the Sugar Coated lies you Hide Behind.

Its like expressing of you doing everything you can to succeed..Its like no pain no gain kinda situation and its getting better...work with me here...

Welcome to the Block. .
. .of No Emotion, and False Expression as The Wind Blows,
where The Path To Success is actually a Yellow Brick Road
The townsfolk are out of reach, never speak, bicker or kiss,
just go about their Buisness in an inch high of Ignorant Bliss.
Its sinking in, & drowned in despression, pen holds my sight
This is torture, maybe i should just give up, and Lego of Life. .

The hook was very sad..not only realizing that being alone is like death. No one to count on to...no one to ask favors and have fun with. Lego was a great metaphor on how everyone just stand still and yet its called Lego Land. Inpirational.

Its Sink or Swim . . you either Think to Win or Drown in the Waves Present
of your Saviours Pen, Bleeding The Stone Dry, Hope's Cries played & spent,

Yet the struggling continues....searching for reasons for why.

Ladies and Gents. were your Lives Meant to be Bent across? All love is lost,
But this is where I started caring. And this is where I stopped.

Realization of truth. Screaming whats really wrong. Its like the feeling of emptiness and questions unanswered. Swollen lines of a perfect verse.

I care a lot for my Surroundings, yet this Mountain of mounting depression,
Seems to Be, Bleeding the Scenery, leaving imagery Doubting my questions

The sudden thought of recreating the image of a perfect life just an inch from the grasp of his hands. Made it hard for him to reach as he bled and stumbled far too much. Damn..wow..and yet its getting better and better

Id shout from the heaven of Cloud Nine and Sew its Lining, twining a verse,
Lonely, & made to feel like the Scum of the Earth on the Scum that is Earth.

Basic reality. World is insane


Stumbling First. . then Gathering Pace, Disparaged Marriage of Love & Hate,
Amongst Waves of Tongueless Fate, Predicting this Diction Above the State.

Another fall yet from another one. Regaining whats already yours but its not enough

The Colours Fade, Distortin My Pride, Red White and Blue caught in My Eyes,
but can the cross of Saint George Take Force and Change the Course of my Life?

Barely from the imagery..the agony of carrying burdens from his back. Twilight insanity heads him to it


Tortured Inside . . my Mind Was Set, & Tonight Was It, my Escape Planned,
Id follow the Rainbow and then Discover the Colours held Inside Fates Hand,

The time has to come to act. Life's not gonna move unless his there to move it. Kinetic Energy.

Eyes Glazed and Abstract, the White Hope holdin a Kaleidoscope Joint show,
A man of the Digital Age, maybe i should log off and install 'Life: Version 2.0'

The courage and enlightenment of the character made him see the light.


I Attoint Flow to Sum up my Worth, Write to Stomach the Hurt in Morbid Lips,
a Blazing Ode to Amazing Gold, no chance of Stopping This Block Apocalypse.

BUt yet he missed. He fell. He stumbled. He couldnt force himself to fight anymore. The rims of reality is unescapable.

Mocking scripts with False Ideas. . so This Plastic Town, Cant Bring Me Down
Wondering while Wandering amidst Blocks of Bottle Tops, an Singing Frowns. .


But still there's hope that if he would strive..then his longing for salvation would be at the palm of his hand


whew....dammit...so what? I felt like reading....

The enjoyment of your writing triumphs the true essence and difference from sanity to insanity. lol

HIgh Level of virtues. Wide open vocabulary mind. State of the art emotions made. How it was constructed either from a pen to a paper or even keyed to computer. Very much a powerful piece and yet was made by a great writer.

There ya go...Eat it.

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>

^ I Really Love You. = )
It takes more than face-value to really get into my pieces, you have to read between the lines and grasp the inner emotional sides to it, but thatnks Shiz, nice to know im apreciated.

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

Fuck you, I'll read it for the SS, you can eat my opinion there you response/freeposting whore.

lmao, jealous of my post count = )

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

flow was beautiful..many, many dope lines..


Maybe ive Lost It. . my Inspiration feeds Logic in Fables & Topics now i see,
Tomorrow as a Lot More than Twenty Four Hours. . but as an Oppourtunity.
While Rocking Fluently with Martian Guitarists, my Hearts been Lead Astray,
Intended to Stay Slane, im that Second before Midnight that'll End Your Day.


i especially like these two..they were easily the pick of the litter. how can you give advice to someone who is near open mic perfection?


the only thing i can say is that this was long as all fuck and my attention dwindled midway through..


9/10.

hoe.

Cool.
Word Perfect, Respresent!

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

"A Sour Fate Followed Suit Tomorrow’s Youth drew from the Zinc Prisms,
Now Creating Visual Blizzards. . its the Blink and you’ll Miss It Ink Wizard." haha dopeness
liked that line, madd abstractivity, the starting was quite gripping,
like brough the reader into the piece well

"But in his Family Tree, he’s now Carved a Masterpiece of Crafted Speech." ohhh doperness
" Painted Picture.
This tainted fixtures " oh the man with the multies and the wordplay
"What I Write gives The reader Goosebumps.
Center of a Media Zeus Hunt to Steal My Thunder with intellectual patients" liar i dont feel no goosebumps?!?!?*greatly disapointed*
"& now Fakes Sneer at the Way Cam's like Shakespeare with A Spray Can." i was feelin that, so u express ur feelings on a wall now
"Pleedin`, & Revenge is Sweeter than the Sugar Coated lies you Hide Behind." nice ender for the first verse,
this flowed good, liked you multies and wordplay, quite imaginative,
and creative i would have to say, content was about 8/10, deepness
is what i found in your shit, ur rhyme scheme was quite the dope,
and ur concept was quite the alrite, umm liked your style,
like u didnt go line for line, rather u just wrote, doperdoperness
<<<<<<<<<<<DAMN YOUR WACK>>>>>>>>>>>>>LOL J/K<><><><<<<<<<
"Welcome to the Block. .
. .of No Emotion, and False Expression as The Wind Blows,
where The Path To Success is actually a Yellow Brick Road
The townsfolk are out of reach, never speak, bicker or kiss,
just go about their Buisness in an inch high of Ignorant Bliss.
Its sinking in, & drowned in despression, pen holds my sight
This is torture, maybe i should just give up, and Lego of Life. ."
bah onyl 1 problem with that, i read a piece yesterday, that said
yellow brick road, and i commented on thier dopeness of them words
i liked that ignorant bliss line, man that was a dope chorus,
kinda catchy but u'll never hear me recite it lol, na it was goood,
bah i dunno i'm no shiznit, umm creativity imaginary was dope
"This is torture, maybe i should just give up, and Lego of Life."
shouldnt that say let go of life.............................................. .....

{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}{{{{{{{{{{{{WEEEEEEEEE}}}}}}}}} }

"Its Sink or Swim . . you either Think to Win or Drown in the Waves Present of your Saviours Pen, " fucck
opener was killin, much better when ur first verse's opener,
this was quite gripping

"Ladies and Gents. were your Lives Meant to be Bent across? All love is lost," gotta love that abstractness man, fuck a line for line scheme

"Lonely, & made to feel like the Scum of the Earth on the Scum that is Earth." haha that is dope, really liked that

"Red White and Blue caught in My Eyes," damn country lovers

"Eyes Glazed and Abstract, the White Hope holdin a Kaleidoscope Joint show,
A man of the Digital Age, maybe i should log off and install 'Life: Version 2.0'" probably ur 2 best lines of the whole shit, man
that was deep, abtract as hell, doperdoperdopernessisisty

loved ur 2nd verse, tis was better then ur first, creativity hits the roof
and imaginary hits the penthouse lol, na i really liked that Version 2.0 line
hmm we should do a collab, fool, i'll quote u then fool, ok fool
umm reall this was dope, the topic was nice, the concept was nicer
and ur style was nicest, abtract as hell, just the way i liked it,
well u have elivated my man, but hey its not my fault that i AIMed to be iller than yall............LOL

bah reply to mine u slob...even though i havent dropped it yet

^shit was hot... feelin the whole verse... way to come strait
the chorus was hot... kinda catchy
kept be readin it... so ya that's good shit

please hit up mine

nice verses Aesop

thank you, Murs.

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

its funny cause murs is dark skinned....