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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-27-03, 09:53 PM
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#1
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Guest
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Quick shit
IP: 6236 079F
Step up to the plate ready to shoot i'm the first see the nigga try to play me like a fool jump out of the black van showed the nigga the tools than the nigga got scared nearly fainted at my shoes/ Respect that i'm a gangsta my life on this shit when i pull the trigger of a gun like fucking my bitch/ Same enjoyments weed get me high everyday when i'm stuck in a jam i got guns to blast clear the way/ Blowing everything to smitherings got my vest on my chest cops wander am i still clean keep it personal you never know where i can be i don'e even tell my mother private shit on the streets
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09-27-03, 11:01 PM
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#2
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Banned for being stupid
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IP: 95C5 EAD6
aight dude since this was ur first post i wont say everything i want to. let me try to say this nice. THAT WAS FUCKIN WACK! im just playin. first, try set up ur structure somethin like this-
xxxxxR, xxxxxR xxxxxR, xxxxxR -or- RxxxxxxxxxxxR RxxxxxxxxxxxR just do what u want as long as its consistent, but i dont suggest u spit ur rhymes like that. try doin one line then the next one under the first. second, the wordplay and vocab need to be elevated alot in my opinion. try fittin in more metas and multis in ur verse to make it a better read. just keep workin on it man, keep postin and elevatin, u have true talent. good luck. peace..... |
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