calculate the risk

a tributary, rivulet, basic stream or sweeping canyon cutter
a detoxing, high achieving, selfish motherfucker
i'd rather be a reservoir, a reservoir, a reservoir and
i'd rather be a reservoir, a reservoir of ideas that are just for you
a hunter gatherer with ambition and a perfect aim
a mafiosa with a contract on his mommas head
and i have failed you, i have failed you, i have failed you yet again
and on a barn door there is a sign reading
don't let yourself get bogged down

i chose to be angry
but failed to make the killer speech
it took me so long to notice

that we could hide so easily
just calculate the risk boy

I wish i were the owner of a vineyard in the south of spain
and find a woman with a pawnshop and a factory downtown
up to her mansion for some lessons in romantic pain
i'd build a railroad
on a bassline
then i'd write it down
a hunter gatherer with ambition and a perfect aim
walking upright, neocortex, breeding options girl
and i have failed you
i have failed you yet again

i chose to be angry
but failed to make the killer speech

i'd kneel and take a bullet in the back kid
but would it stitch the disenfranchised to the masses?
calculate the risk boy!



Pz.
Thankyou for reading
Any feedback is greatly appreciated

Upp
Why Does No-one Replie to all my good drops

Upsi Daisie

that was a good piece...i liked that wordplay and emotion, it wa great this line really caught my eye...

a tributary, rivulet, basic stream or sweeping canyon cutter
a detoxing, high achieving, selfish motherfucker

i thought that was great...good vocab as well..some i dont no the meaning but sounded cool lol...good piece amn shudnt be slept on once read keep it up

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

the vocab was complex, i liked it, the poem had a good flow, good pattern. Keep droppin, i wont sleep on your poems if i can help it. LOL. Please read some of mine and reply. Thanx.

damn
those are some wrods ove never seen before maybe im jsut at a 3rd grade educatoin but you use some big hard words lmao

the peice was good teh structure was odd but i think it added charater and the intro didnt really leave a forshadow to waht was happening with your peice but it concluded well

...i like that....i was feelin that.....nuthin but that.......i can tell u luv wut u do........stay up

^Thanx..........
Wheres Varentao....and....shiznit,

Up's

Up

Nice piece

Good vocab, ...deep, some real complex in it...nice flow, ...enjoyed this one ^^

Can u gimme some feedbak , on my short notebook piece Preciated^^

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Fuck you

Varentao is trying to explain to Shiznit that while Tampons are indeed expensive, a baseball bat used to stuff wads of toilet paper accomplish the job just as well and are a lot cheaper. (I forgot, what are Tampons supposed to do again?)

Anyway, on to your peice. To be perfectly honest, the very first part was a total turn off. Generally, dropping a big dose of talent right off the bat sounds like a good idea, and if I could I'd probably of done it too, but I can see how it can really make a person not want to read it. It's just too much too quick sort of thing. Cause seriously, you got mad vocab, but then you simplified it later on in the second half. Maybe if somehow that was switched around it could be a more gradual thing?

I don't know. I'm a dumbass.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.