One Reason

Is there a reason that my heart inside is crushed?
Lies hate and deciet pretain to it much,
i guess a bit of lust contributed its piece,
thats why im sitting here staring at my love, and empty sea.
I throw pebbles in it, and pretend the ripples grow,
i know this sea of love within me somwhere still flows,
its just hidden from everyone including me.
I yearn for love once more, one like the deep blue sea.

What is the reason for my heart having broke?
Was it because i like solitude and the occasional smoke?
A toke of the pipe started silent fights that did damage,
but no matter what weight was thrown at me i accepted and managed.
To the point of madness, am i losing my grip?
Suprised im alive, that i exist w/o slit wrists.
This cant be real, due to faith, my lifes prolonged,
staying in a place where i know i dont belong.

Theres only one reason that my heart has cracked.
That reason is me, my mind and heart werent intact.
Just a glimpse ata spreadsheet, look at the facts, its plain clear,
I backed off only because love is my main fear.
Im layn on my bed feeling dreary and back arched,
eyes parched, writin poems of love and corruption on parchment in the dark.
waiting for a spark, to ignite inside and spread like a flame,
may god have mercy on my soul, and save me from my shame.

i did this last class period... didnt put too much time into it anyways lemme know what yall think.

I backed off only because love is my main fear.


^^i like that line^^

this is a very good piece nothing really stood out because it was constantly good
it read well and im wondering y im the only 1 thats given my opinion on this because this is a very good piece

keep posting

I like it, very understandable. Nice work for only a few minutes to work on it. GJ

Yeah i agree its a good piece, it made a pretty good read, it flowed pretty well through out the piece i thought, you had good content, and i was feeling the meaning in this piece, overall it was a good piece, keep up the good work.

ill piece kid, this was mad emotion felt, yea it sucks that u and amanda split up kid, oh well keep ya head up that shitll bring ya down but tha lights just over tha hill, this piece was just nice all in all, erything was ill, keep droppin.~1~

I backed off only because love is my main fear.

^^ i argree this here is a great line, it could very well be the backbone of your piece

it was a simple message of a feeling ppl will face some time thoughout their life, maybe more then once, maybe always they will carry that feeling of being lost but you did a good job putting it into words and an alright piece.

i liked that intro to your piece, pieces that open up with questions, or soemthing interesting tends to pull ppl in its a major put of a piece and your intro was good.

I throw pebbles in it, and pretend the ripples grow,
i know this sea of love within me somwhere still flows

^^ this part how you compared your love or longing for love to the sea, and how you expanded on that i thought was really well done, it made it alive for us

Theres only one reason that my heart has cracked.
That reason is me, my mind and heart werent intact.

^^ at the end you started to relise or tell us the answers to many of your questions your proposed, so it didnt leave us with that what thats the end feeeling

waiting for a spark, to ignite inside and spread like a flame,
may god have mercy on my soul, and save me from my shame.

^^ and for the ending it was just as good as your intro

nice piece, also you had some good vocab in it and a soft smooth flow that fitted this piece, and you didnt over do the rhyme scheme didnt seem like they were forced worked well

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

this was nice. just everything was in order and the ya expression was madd heart felt. good stuff all around

__________________
the one that watches the watchmen:

much appreciation on the replies.. im glad some of u enjoyed it.. it was just a simple stress releiver and after seeing ur replies i feel somewhat revived i thank all of you once again, 1love.