Sun's set dawns break a light spectacular of more change
planet estranged by the days foray into a forest of flames
violate mother natures ways by snatching her gardens giants
a rough science of scything machines teeth biting barks of silence
roots of evil designed to pilot the prime rings of timeless
vast islands of the high flyers are felled blindly by greeds saw
problems caused by governments laws of sedate unhinged door
where hoards of lumbering law breakers inflict earthen scars
tall orders are carved butchering Amazonia with stumped trademarks
the oxygen fades fast sucking lungs of life from years of growth
rain depicts tears of hope drowning grounds sorrow far below
envy fading from the kaleidiscope as the spectrum evolves
and dissolves into a pulp fiction of revolving shorn baldings
mother natures scaldings raise the heat with a mercury warning
the land needs the canopy of awnings to absorb clouds fallen
caution is thrown to the wind where branches of blades eat
secret teeth devour trunks of mature feet who wish they'd leave
ill conveived deceit like a plague diseases the area with evil seeds
discreetly thieved our lungs feeders are knot able to defend
rendered helpless by a mens noisy tool of clenched metal events
if we were replaced by sapling strength we could hold our heads high
but we're dropped for-rest skies plucked victims denied protection
sectioned from what wood be our family trees inherited reception
freedom wrecked from our natural world
the paper this is etched on...white as pearl
we....are the foundation of mankinds life
being scythed to repay south americas debt ridden bank rights
so please..ink me with worthy scribes so my sacrifice hasnt been in vains cry..

Eye Dios. . This piece popped with vocabulary, wordplay, imagery etcedra. Obviously, you sufficed to satisfy my literary needs - in every aspect, too. However, you seem to have sacrificed some content in order to adapt to a seemingly 'intelligent' style. This seems to be the polar opposite of what I've seen you write in SS & Co. I feel you need to find the middle ground between the two, if you know what I'm saying. .

I guess the enviromentally symbolistic theme was thought-provoking. I picked up on a few pieces of word-play & other hidden gems. . But I feel as if (as you eluded to in your reply on my piece) the "dictionary-esque" style fits better with a witty piece. I suggest you write about something you feel strongly about, for it is easy to dictate your passion in a witty manner.

I don't know if you follow what I'm saying, if you have any questions - don't hesitate to get me on AIM. G'Luck .

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appreciated feedback^
i guess its kinda an experimental stage or an evolutin of my writing

I think you struggled to keep it cohesive....
Though there definitely is some ill rhymin...
hmmm all in all i suggest toning down the vocab a notch in favour of making the entire work "more accessible"...
not to say that you should pimp your script out to that flow flavour of the day...

Keep it real fgee

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^^^what r u smokin holmes? i was feelin the vocab and worplay the most, but whatever, i guess it jsut depends on the reader. good post fgee, that was a good and original topic, it made for a good read, keep postin man, i was feelin that.

peace.....

Yeah this was a pretty good piece, good read too, your vocab was good i thought, your flow was good as well, you had good wordplay, and your content was good, overall id say it was a good piece, keep dropping.

u broke the record for most 'goods' in one post..

thanks upping..

OOMPA FREEPOST^^











































Nice piece man,.....good imagery , ...and u used a nice vocab aswell, ...everything flowed niceley,.....and yea i think i was feelin it kinda, ...overall a 8/10 ....and props

and i was feelin ur concept, nice picked ...like these lines

where hoards of lumbering law breakers inflict earthen scars
tall orders are carved butchering Amazonia with stumped trademarks

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Fuck you

This was a dope drop...Deep concept...Good flow...Great imagery...Inner rhymes...Nicely done...

violate mother natures ways by snatching her gardens giants

I thought that line right there was highly iLL...It stuck out to me the most...Keep it up man...Peace

i'll return the favor if you give some more feedbak

Ok had good uniform flow,inter bar rhymin which u always ue was there,imagery there,wordplay there in small doses,message was there,basically the usuall solid drop man,always good but why never any hooks ? Are they songs or jus straight open mic's ?

"secret teeth devour trunks of mature feet who wish they'd leave
ill conveived deceit like a plague diseases the area with evil seeds"

^ Anyway good shit flowed from tongue and had evryhting else.

Peace

Usual Fgee Standards...Good Imagery And Flow...Vocab And Wordplay Was Dope...Topic Chosen Was Good And Concept Chosen Was Good...

Nice Piece Overall...Keep Them Coming...

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[size=0.5]My Wins Always Bring Fire[/size]</center>

Fgee Nice job...................bitch...lol

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a rough science of scything machines teeth biting barks of silence..dope
tall orders are carved butchering Amazonia with stumped trademarks...dope

wow this good piece was good and u did a good job on doing good your good skill is good with a good good good u know what i mean good.........

umm dope... liked your stizzile, prefer this
over your others, flow was good, but bah
use more wordplay foolio, umm topic was
good "reign changes forest" niceness
origianl approach to this topic genre
umm what else can i say....................
vocab was well who the fuck cares as long
as your content stays dope, i dont really
care if you use complex vocab or not, content
was dope like most of your pieces vocab stayed
above average but below my average lmao j/k
yea good jobby job u sloby slob seriously if u
dont reply to mine i will hurt your mother!!!

bah its late i'm tired as hell this reply was slack...........
return the favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=82918