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Old 10-17-03, 09:16 PM   #1
Sherly Critical
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Red Roses Don't... (First poem.)

IP: CADA 5749

{Phone-Cassandra: Hey, he called... again...}
{Crystal:... You're too good for him...}
{Cassandra: But he's the b-}
{Crystal: You're right! He's your future beer drinking lug on the sofa! Go on a head. Forget having class. I'm sre trailor living could become a trend! Look at Emenem!}
{Caddandra:... (Click)}

What does he got, besides, the beer and the pot, girl?
He's everything of everything you're not girl.
He means to you, your whole life-YOUR whole world.
What does a few friends matter to you, when you got him?
Scream as much as you want, but I can't let your life go rotten.
Remember when I told you I'll love you more than anything...
or have you... FOR..-gotten?

Pink roses.... {Cassandra: But this is my moment...}
Red roses. {Crystal: his false insecure proposes.}
Red roses, he'll give you...
But that doesn't mean his heart-is-true.

You may choose this 'Ace of spade.'
But why should you have to give it away...?
Baby girl, I'll love you always...
But...you'll have to make the right choice someday.

Pink roses.... {Cassandra: But this is my moment... ...!}
Red roses. {Crystal: Is he the one that you've chosen?}
Red roses, he'll give you...
But that doesn't mean his heart-is-true

{Cassandra: Crystal?...}
{Crystal: Hm?...}
{Cassandra: He ditched me... like last time...}
{Crystal: Oh? I'm not suprised.}
{Cassandra: Just pick me up at the gas station... Please...}
{Crystal: Eh? Got Fifteen dollars, and sixty cents?}
{Cassandra: What!?}
{Crystal: Hmhm... I'm just kidden...}

Red roses, don't mean the truth...
Pink roses, And my love, will I always give you.

(Side note: Yes, I'm with a girl named Cassandra, so... Don't be fooled by the thought of me loving her just as a sister. =P Heh. Peace.)
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Old 10-19-03, 11:01 AM   #2
Tourniquet
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Interesting format... bit of everything all rolled into one neat package it seems. Content was still legible and the message clear, so all in all.. nice read.
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Old 10-19-03, 11:14 AM   #3
rule
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different for sure, but good piece, i think you could try to up your vocab but your flow was on point and wut not...good drop
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Old 10-19-03, 08:42 PM   #4
Sherly Critical
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Heh. Thanks. I was gone for a bit. Eh... Fun city life I wish for. Running around the mall with some boxer's half down to my knees, over my jeans, and scaring the cops. Always fun. But then I put the boxers away, and head for Hot Topics. For my ...um.. Outfit for Halloween.. >_O;; Eh.. I'm going as a fallen angel, around the City... (Near Perdue...) (I checked all the other stores, Hot Topic has the huge wings...) But thanks for the comploments. And I'm going to go biskit slap my sister for getting that "My *ss is like woah." song stuck in my head. (I will preform a fricken Hannibal just for her: Good morning... Clarice...)
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Old 10-20-03, 10:55 AM   #5
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^^ mmk that ish scared me a bit... but to each's own

The peice was definatly original, the red roses don't thing got me in here... promising title. The phone conversations were cool, no joke I could hear them in my head! Nah I'm not crazy... But the rest, it was too story telling for my blood, it was like you put all the substance you had into the phone conversations and left it out when portraying the feelings. No doubt it was a good read, but ya vocab an rhyme scheme were all over the place... keep elevatin, an don't loose your creativity
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