Just a verse that was written a couple days ago...feedback would be apreciated...thanks

All my life i've asked the question how
Adam and Eve Became the start of human
Wondering in the middle of the night,
Is this a dream, or seriously real life?

Orbiting the galaxes like the planets around the melting sun
In search of'a prize to devolop a reason how race's begun
To find answers and cures through the black holes an astroids
With clinging rocks worse then an infestation of hemroids
Take the milky way to the invasion of us and the outer limites
Devilish bond between good and evil destroying alian existance
Perhaps they find the galactic pirates a mercanary of intellagance
Not yet prepaired fo the horror we long to desire fo our protection
Revealing thoughts to others as'a life long lesson a angle blesson
Hope we dont get killed for trying to find a treasure in this place
Temperatures of -80 its a dream im not frozen in outer space
Invasions of creatues in the mist of the black and foggy night
Holding a cross to my heart praying these clowns dont take my life
Percusions of actions preparing me for war against newer species
Holding back my thoughts then letting lose on killing fecies
The crew involved against amerggedon but i aint no bruce willis
Take a lot more then an astroid war to come attack and kill us
We're closer to god so he hears our prayers helps our journy
Watches us closely an all these years have hopefully prepared me
To sneak into jupiter and walk across the rocky icey land
To steal a treasure find reasons and answers for the first man
On earth, how its takes a male and female to create a birth
Yet somebody came from the dirt, to create life how's that work

All my life i've asked the question how
Adam and Eve Became the start of human
Wondering in the middle of the night,
Is this a dream, or seriously real life?

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

Let's see here
This seemed a lil poetic in my view,you diden't use any multis.But aside from that you need to work on vocab metties and wordplay.Also try and write a second verse and a hook cause it'd make a great song.
That'll be all
Reply to my open my entitled "good fight good night"

thanks....uppen

__________________
Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461