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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
10-22-03, 05:01 PM
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#1
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Eddy.
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First love...stays for ever...
IP: FF40 570D
The fragile of real love,
Senseless and savage... .:Never thought i would feel what love is:. Till u walked in to my life, .. all the nights i wished u were my wife. Once i meet that gurl so i called her lover, Kissed her, shared my deepest thoughts, never did it with no other.. .:Was once so beautiful:. The things that we shared, .. the nights that we cried, .. the real love we both felt inside .. Caught me, on my weak point, filled me up with joy...., A girl a little older, takin over this boy. Companionship, love,..trust,...every aspect.. feelins,...sparklin eyes, ..and respect .:Happiness till Darkness took over:. Disquised as a real love wicked and volturais... treaturous, ..and danger..slidin to together The...darkness,..took over.. the long nights we shared,..putting down to a shredder... Give me just this one new chance, .. let our hearts together and dance... Let us get back on the track..get rid of the pain... so we can stop actin..like a uncontrolable de-railed train. Wishin i could express me towards u ... make u know why i did the things i do.. .:Turning, the clock back?:. Cuz lateley ive bein wishin i had one desire, findin back my real love,put my heart on fire. Bring that smile back like u always use to do it, fill me with the feelins, that i cant, ..live without After the joy the stocks slowly begin to sway, in a long harsh, painful dark and distand way. Its late afternoon..i walk thru my room... thinkin of ur beauty like a rosey bloom... Wishin i could bring back moments, put them in freeze, But this house just hold nuttin, just the confusin memories. .:It wasnt meant for me?:. So i guess i have to settle for a few breath moments,.. happiness, and..the things, With ur picture pressed to my heart wishin u a good night, Prayin to above wishin i could win this strange fight.. Plz lord why was this sunlight turned in to grey, why is real love never for me, .... here to stay. Just give me back the moments, ..i truelly desire...
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Fuck you Last edited by Edicius : 10-22-03 at 05:51 PM. |
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10-22-03, 05:46 PM
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#2
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Fuck You, I Rhyme Better
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IP: 0FEA F3EA
I think im gonna cry, this was great..
The only mistake i think you made was using internet talk for something this deep i.e. gurl, wit...etc the flow was there, just you have to do a slow read... this makes me think of my 1st...but i hated her so thats not a good thing everything was good, topic was used well and imagry was top notch for the record i was sureal protege back before i ever dropped my 1st open mic, but RoA was there for me, so thanks alot for that |
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10-22-03, 05:49 PM
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#3
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Eddy.
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IP: FF40 570D
Thnx...yea i think i can adjust the internet things..looks better without...and glad to have u in RoA..gluck in Regime..
Tnx for the feed..preciated..
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Fuck you |
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10-22-03, 07:47 PM
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#4
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BANNED: Cheater
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IP: 399E F0FD
that was semi deep yo nice shit 8/10
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10-22-03, 07:55 PM
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#5
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: 4577 CD9A
this was nice...concept was deep...vocab and structure was good...the topic...a lotta headz can relate to...and this was overall a nice read...dope drop...now hit up "2099 A.D"...
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10-22-03, 07:57 PM
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#6
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
damn emotional, that was dope though i liked the flow and wordplay great song man peace
__________________
Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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10-22-03, 08:49 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
this was quite simple but also deep in meaning
glimpses of imagery were present which helped the verse along its way the emotion was in it but i think you somehow failed to express it fully...i think you just didnt connect the reader to the person u loved making it hard to have much feeling for them by reading also the part about the train derailing ironically derailed my train of thought from the topic of love into a freight train lol that threw me off....however it was enjoyable to read which is what this shits about so good job peace |
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