sitting in the mist eventhough the mist does not exist...
the total calmness of the breeze
made me fall into a trance,that seemed to
last for eternity...
i look up into the sky and wonder why i even try...
the planet revolves around me,
never will it revolve around it...I wonder what it will feel
like to drift away into space
and realize the space is already taken...I see myself
dying and going into heaven,
then being excepted...i would cry as soon as god said,
you are my son and never will be forsaken...
i remaness about the evil in are hearts, and only
remember satan...
i only have 3 words for him, fuck you satan...could you
imagine being in hell with no shiny bells
2 call someone when your going threw hell...I might as
well kill myself over and over into attributes of
eternal delerium...
for my life is deplited beyond reconition...just like the
voice of helium as it echoes through you
like petrafied children...everyday existence...you and
everything you need to function...
why cant i just dissapear...make my own non existence
to be in peace...
i ask you are you consistent?...i ask you are you
really alive?...
i must become something special...or i dont need
to be...you will never see me...
as i walk threw the valley of nothingness...or is it nothing?...
never answer that question...

i liked this piece, it seemed peaceful but a the same time the message was franctically in a hurry, and strong, not very peacefull.

im not sure if ive understood the whole intent of this, but it seemed more of i thought this over and over before i wrote piece, giving it maybe a little bit wisdom. dunno. it might be because of the relaxed feelign i get reading it, but it still has a strong effect.

it flowed nicely, and the words fit. the structure is a common, but it didnt take away from the piece.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

__________________

Whoa, its times like this after reading a very good poem (or on other occasions) that i notive my vocabulary is repulsively limited because i want to say how profoundly deep and yet cryptic this poem was in a way that no one on the boards has without seeming overly intellectual or like an ignorant ass. This poem when read correctly, almost as if it doesnt rhyme, is incredible it just plunges you into a dingy yet docile world where the fear of pain steadily lopes behind corners desperately clinging to prey. i felt the trip to heaven and though when u sed "fuck you satan" after saying satan a few words ago it ruined that part of the flow overall i felt as if it was an eery hourglass on the backdrop of a mirror alowwing us to peer into the abyss and then realize that when we remove our eyes from the goal, we realize our future coinides with that of a grain of sand, 2 cents anyone? 1luv.

yo, im doin nuthin in my life/ it sux it bitez/i dunno wtf ima doin my life besidez fight/ wit a knife/ im jus not right/ im not riped/ im jus alil fuckin bright/ star/ flyin high way abuv ya car/ in da werld/ wit no fuckin girl/ hoes can sit on my nuttz an twirl/ cuz i aint gon waste my life waitin bitchez make make me hurl/ she b lucky if i break her jaw on tha curb/ this is my word/ to alla yall/ ill make tha call/ an when i do pleez be there wit me wen i fall/ so yall can help rise back to tha top, b4 my heart fatally stopz, frum 9 gunshotz, POP-POP-POP, anutha mutha fukka dropz, call tha copz, its time to ball/

dis iz my life.it sux

Eerie. It tweaks memories and emotions that vary from mellow to powerful.

Imagery was key. Using it to bring forward the meaning. But of course, you didn't really bring it forward as such. You kept it hidden. Not too much. But enough for the reader to dig into it.

A quite easy read on the surface. And relatively easy (yet still quite profound and enthralling) once you get beneath the surface.

...resp...

nice nice
i like how you flipped it
gave a reason beyond a reason
mysterious switch, made you really think
keep elevatin

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
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{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."