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Old 11-01-03, 01:02 PM   #1
rule
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Mind Power...short piece

IP: 1B3B C284

Isolated in my fantasy of becoming a star in the sky
To be remembered as a leader after my demies
Look into my soul and see my inner beast yeild
As i relax an think about playing on'a rap feild
Set goals an break rules but i live like a cristian
Praying to god to forgive me for ritual sinning
From cause of hate proposed a bond to exscape
Into reality unlock the barrier an open the gate
Let me breath real air, let me see mortality
Touch life, give me strength of creativity
...beyond simplicity, to write an art of poetry
Set a risk of fairy tale thoughts for imagery
Ink being my minds creations my main infantations
Giving words the cure for self esteem propagations
Ilusions in my mind creating my own 0 evaluation
From seeing absulutly no remorce just a blank sheet
imagination turning into a solid pad like dry concrete
If it wasn't for a fairy tail life i wouldn't feel so complete
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Old 11-02-03, 12:26 AM   #2
The Necromancer
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I think I got the drift to this. I think at least.

I really got the feeling that in this you had your own goals that you've always wanted to achieve. But the way you live and the isolation of fantasy with the sins of reality prevent such a thing from happening. Really this seemed like a piece brought out from frustration.

That's what I felt at least.

~Irenic~
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Old 11-02-03, 08:54 AM   #3
rule
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I guess you could say that, i just had something in my head i wanted to write so i t was just kinda there..thanks for your 2 cents uppen
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Old 11-05-03, 10:05 AM   #4
LadyWun
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I think you could have kept going with this... it kinda left me
hangin at the end... but overall it was a good read... you had
good imagery to what you wanted us to invision... as well as
good structure...although some of the words didnt rhyme all to
well, but you dont always have to have that.... one thing i didnt
understand was "demies" what is that???
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Old 11-06-03, 10:02 PM   #5
rule
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uppen
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Old 11-07-03, 11:02 PM   #6
~RaPiDfIrE~
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this piece was really positive which is cool in a way but also made it kinda..blah iono how to describe it....but it was still pretty decent...it ended a little too abruptley though...I can't really think of much else to say though..so keep it up

peace
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