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Old 11-07-03, 04:28 PM   #1
GaNgStA_JaKe841
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I still love you....

IP: 1BD5 13B2

Damn girl i still miss you.. your blonde hair blue eyes...
Your brotha called and said you lay down and cry...
I'm sorry girl i was acting like dat...
I'm sorry that i called your sister fat...

I still love you im not sure if you do to. I was dumb when i told you to stop sucking your thumb.Just remember i'll alwayz luv u.alwayz.

I hope you give me a second chance...
I remember the days we would dance...
Remeber 2 weeks ago when jon hit on u and i kikied his ass...
i thought that would be a sign but i geuss not...
oh baby give me 1 more chance..
And won't you be my girlfriend...

I still love im not sure if you do to. I was dumb when i told you to stop sucking your thumb.Just remember i'll alway luv u. alwayz....................
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Old 11-07-03, 04:29 PM   #2
GaNgStA_JaKe841
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last line is i still love you
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Old 11-08-03, 03:26 AM   #3
Na71v3 13oi
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i'm glad to see that your a young blood because that really didn't have vocab, flow, or rhymes. Just keep up on the writting and u will improve
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Old 11-08-03, 08:18 AM   #4
GaNgStA_JaKe841
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ok thanx
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Old 11-10-03, 06:39 PM   #5
bouncedoggydog
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Abstract in structure, I couldn't find any common ryhme scheme but I guess you may have purposely done that. I think you could have done a better job by cleaning up the format. It had emotion to it, but it is over riden by the structure, it's all over the place. I have seen some cats pull off this type of piece before, but they had a even structure which helped. Keep elevating that's what were all here for, don't let anyone tell you otherwise..

Bounce..
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Old 11-10-03, 06:44 PM   #6
GaNgStA_JaKe841
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ok thanx for the feedback peace............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..
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