this is my first post in the poetry forum
i didnt know what i should call this but here goes..


the truth is seen, piercing through eyes of an old soul,
concepts in this world not yet grasped by a young mind,
empty places hidden in the corners the worlds one of harsh reality
visions affected by a uncertain clarity to which no logic is bound,
which makes one wonder, is there a place here, for a poor man,
or is time and emotion a set of words which we all follow strictly
if the past is never left to settle, is future already disturbed,
people see visions caused by the pain of an unbearing mother,
stories dont exist just a set of words created by imagination,
does poetry that dont ryhme have no inner meaning of portrayal,
like pieces of modern art, just a pointless waste of time,


well a short piece, but let me know what you all think???

__________________
<center><img src=http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=6921=1 border=0></center>

I think you should proofread your work.
'a old'???? sorry dude, doesn't work.

other than those errors.... good concepts but work on organization of ideas.

.wurd.

__________________
I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.

the ideas arent supposed to have a structure, the words form the structure with a certain way that you should percieve it.

__________________
<center><img src=http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=6921=1 border=0></center>

Most people will say that it didnt rhyme which is true but like you said...poetry doesnt need to rhyme. Thats what makes this unique. You had some good idea's and I think with a bit of work this could turn into a great peice, not just a good one.
6/10

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

aiight y'all, well i must thank y'all for your feedback,if y'all actually dropped feedback on my piece, and showed me that this forum is good for feedback, then i might actually take some time to go through and respond to everybody elses poetry.

__________________
<center><img src=http://www.rhymevantage.com/forum/attachment.php?s=&postid=6921=1 border=0></center>

Good job. For this being ur first time droppin in the poetry section you did iight. True, it didnt rhyme, but none of the stuff dat i drop rhymes. My opinion on that is that rhyming seems to limit you on what the topic is and it doesnt allow you to flow well with your ideas. Yes, it is short, but i think that you did a good job. Structure and wording was fine. Topic was good, and u seemed to get ur point across. Once again, overall, I liked it and u did a good job. Looking forward to reading more of yours. Much respect.

poems dont need to rhyme...just as long as the concept's there...and you did it using ur own style of writing.


you spoke of truth when it comes to lots of things that young minds cant grasp...sometimes the saying "you're still young...you wont understand.." is true..but regardless of the ignorance of people...you cant seem to tell whether its true or not.

"if the past is never left to settle, is future already disturbed"

^sometimes it doesnt always come out that way...sometimes the past helps the future. MIstakes that you have done and the lessons youve learned from it affect the future. Depends on Your choices and decisions.

Your piece is not bad at all.
Made me think.

__________________
<br><br><center>- Shiznit -
- Tampons are still expensive -
- That's a Fact - </center>