I sit here as the long days go by slowly..
Just sittin lookin up at the stars hopefully...
Wonderin if one day the pain would completely disapear..
Wonderin why the blinds u put over my eyes finally cleared...
They arent anything but burnt memories an i wanna get rid of dem..
And i look inside of myself and ur the one from which they stem...
When i look back i see your face there hauntin me..
Sometimes it feels like your mother fuckin tauntin me...
Now cmon hear me out you made it into ma soul..
Once you made me shattered life feel like a mother fuckin whole...
When u left u took everythin i had..
You covered my eyes with sheets of ice; for someone seein me it had to be pretty damn sad...
I finally managed to melt them away..
And then you came me to to haunt me again; but i dont want to listen; to hear what you will say....
Now im just waiting; for something to come back..
To return my entire reality from a pitchless black....

well as a whole it was good.. at the end it kinda fell off....
you didnt have to throw in all those "motha fucka" 's they
didnt really give anything to the piece in one particular sentence
"like a mother fuckin whole..."
the other time you used it before that it gave the piece a sence
of anger at being haunted... but using curse words all the time
doesnt always help... as far as vocab it was decent and your
structure was pretty good just try to make them the same
amount of syllables (not exact but round about). Good read
though.... Keep writing.

__________________
<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
<BR>
<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>