this rhyme is based on sum ppl i used 2 b friends wiv b4 ther was trouble:

i cant explain the hatred i got, its like wat Big had 4 'pac//
generations of people jus fukin-fukin me off!!//
but man iv learned a lot since iv grown,stayed home,played rap tunes in my room//
see the only security is my pen ad my pad, i can do wat i wan whether its good or its bad//
iv felt suicidal, phychotic, homicidal, and worse, but ther aint no fuckin way u getin my corpse in that hurst//
coz since birth, no father 1 mamma and a nanna got me through the main shit b faw' ma nan left this earth//
so u say ther name 1 or 3 times, den bitch ul b mine so i can toy wid u//
js like u dun 2 me all that time........

yo can i get sum feedbk, cheers!!

on the whole this was ok, your structure and flow could use some work and introduce some better vocab, and make your drops longer, but keep at it,,,,,aight..Pc
can you hit this plz.....
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=92739

Post your replies up, thanks bud.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=87961
Thats the rules thread if you need more info.

ya shit was ok, i wasn't really feelin it like, i wonder what he gon say next dog keep writin so you can get better wasn't that bad though, hey dog i wanna battle ya i can go set it up and you spit first? check in right here

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MAC4LIFE, M.multis A.authority C.commitment,MFL
Pacaso mac the Baskin Robbins Street(hustla tryin to scoop up this ice and cream)

honestly this really didnt make much sense to me especially wit da fact i got lost after this line "i cant explain the hatred i got, its like wat Big had 4 'pac.." which so happens to be da only ill line in da whole piece, u need to keep ur mind more focus on da point of da subject ur on if u want to make it more detailed...concentrate on what u are trying to express and im sure it will sound hotter and like my mans said before change up da vocab it will help u to be able to deliver in greater detail.....but all and all nice try

pretty good verse, room for elevation though. came hard and strong with the point and your emotions and shit, was really feelin that. its like a straight up this is what i am and where i came from type little peice. enjoyed it. only constructive critisizm is to work on the flow by makin sure each line fits in a beat...or maybe it wasnt supposed to be like that..? anyways nice job.