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Old 11-21-03, 11:56 PM   #1
Peepers
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Photographical Proof

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This is purely fiction, all characters exist only the in artist's head for entertainment's sake...check the story


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=93385
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=93205
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...5699#post925699


When you read this, don't expect another run of the mill open mic peice that you see on this board, can i get some real replies cause i put real work into this...It's worth the read tho


Topic: You’re a camera, describe what pictures you take.


A roll of pictures, images of happiness flicker
Memories of a melted wick and a forgotten bicker
I’ve taken many pictures, visions and images
The stuff families reminisce peacefully in villages
Speaking of families, here's a photo book that will unfold gradually
Black and white, melancholy glances under my light
A mother and her son, unconditional love in my sight
Several poses filled with joyous smiles and red roses
It’s a bright summer day they chose to dance with naked toes
Through the forest and field, the honest I yield
Blond hair dancing, blue eyes scanning the wondrous feel
The generous mother kneels to offer her son palms closed
Next picture, the son chasing her flying butterfly, her love grows
Such is the first few pages of my album and it's traces
Smiling faces and forgotten memories and sensations

* Flip a few pages*

A solo mother, being held by her husband in tears
Culmination of fears from years as the end nears
Here’s a picture of a locket, taken from the mother's pocket
Inside there's a picture of her son, unknown is the topic
But now he's only a distant memory, a source of pain
Outside their dismal shack flies tragedy, of course it's rain
But what happened to the young, carefree boy you ask?
I can tell you from previous photos, something very rash
He was kidnapped by a masked man, and later found dead
The parents found him too late, only to find the ground red
Their portraits have never been the same, reflecting their pain
Blank stares, dirty, tired faces with tears and their stains
Even me, the inanimate worthless camera feels their hurt
This murdered better stay in the shade and under the dirt..
.....for his own sake

*Flip a few more*

Oh dear god, these are the worst, confirmed with a nod
Pictures of blood froma heart and mangled body parts upon the sod
A crime scene photo of a bullet, silencing the farmhouse's whisper
A photo an earlobe cut into pieces the size of a mouse's whisker
A photo eyeball that deserves it's case, alone, still holding its nerves
A photo of the saddened parents being taken away in cuffs
I don’t lie, I’ve got photo evidence, this isn't the day for bluffs
Flip the page, to previous days where the murdered surfaced
The parents found his purpose, solved the crime and made the purchase
Found what'll hurt this punk the most, a sawed off shotty
Planned to lure him and leave the rats to knaw on his body
The last photo of my album, the one that was made at that moment
I created a lasting image of this second murder that's in their head, frozen....

The mother shot her son's murderer....
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Old 11-21-03, 11:59 PM   #2
LoCo
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played but straight
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Old 11-22-03, 12:17 AM   #3
MeNTiLL
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^LMFAO ... Homeboy's trippin ... This was dope Peeps ... An original topic ... And dope too ... Very abstract ... Very well written ... Scheme and multi's were on point ... Didn't catch the flow fall off once in this piece ... Imagery was highly dope in this piece ... Everythin' came together well to make this piece dope ... The way U wrote the first verse opened this piece up a lot to me and made me keep readin' ... But how U changed the story was even better ... Keep doin' your thing man ... Oh and by the way ... From that post up there ... I should juss say this now ... Nice havin' u here for a day ... LoL ... Peace
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Old 11-22-03, 12:19 AM   #4
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now thats a reply kiddies^

LoCo.....didn't even read it
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Old 11-22-03, 12:35 AM   #5
LoCo
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rofl yea i did
it got played at the end 'body shotty' fuck u dont come in my shit and hate
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Old 11-22-03, 12:50 PM   #6
MeNTiLL
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uppin' this so that my man can get some more replies on this ... stop sleepin' ... peace
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Old 11-22-03, 01:06 PM   #7
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Loco. . You Seriously Gotta Problem Kid.

Peepers. . I Haven't Been Able To Say This In Awhile. . So It Feels Good To Say-- You Had An Original Topic ! Props For That. Very Drop Read Man. Great Imagery Throughout The Piece. I Loved The Idea Of Writing This Piece From A Camera's Point Of View. . That Shit Was Nice. Well-Written On Your Part Man, I Loved How The Story Switched Up, From Talkin About The Son's Death Then Sayin That The Mother Purchased A Shotty To Kill The Murderer. Great Shit. Flow Never Once Fell Off When I Was Readin It. Very Dope Read For Me, I Enjoyed It. Keep Droppin The Gems.

-Formula.

Last edited by Formula : 11-22-03 at 01:20 PM.
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Old 11-22-03, 04:12 PM   #8
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word

thx fellas
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Old 11-22-03, 04:39 PM   #9
Baron Mynd
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I replied to this at RM and RnR .. im not doing so again, lol.

<-- Baron Mynd

You already saw my opinions on this.


Pz.
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Old 11-22-03, 06:33 PM   #10
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ah yes, thx man
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Old 11-22-03, 10:33 PM   #11
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naw good shit man

keep the visuals up and defenitly the vocab

not always flowin but thats cool

one.....................................
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Old 11-24-03, 03:30 PM   #12
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^^^^

this is a good peice fellas, dont sleep
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