Nok'd Vision- Open Wounds
Rule- A Million Miles
Klinik- The Clown of His Own Life
^^My three replies^^

I'm sick and tired of racism in the world today
cause with this world we say, who may not and who may
do this and that it's all wack
we're betraying the trust of people whose got our back
now it time you see this demonstration with no descrimination
see it doesn't matter if your Mexican, Puerto Rican, or Asian
go to every race from African to Cockasian
we all have this crave to be amazed but we're dazed
blind by the fact
that we can't find a true mutha fucka to have our back
how do we keep our feelings intact
with this outside world full of back stabbers
think killin' brothas makes us more badder
by cuttin' out your bladder
or worse fuck this we're all cursed
told to keep our friends close but our enemies closer
the pains to much to just shake it off our shoulders
we're tryin to hold up a boulder but as we get older
we begin to fall and stumble
whose lyrics the best they all sound like mumbles
now fumbled our life by the wonder of whose best
the zests only for fame we have to go solo
cuz i can't find a brotha to have my back no more

I wrote this kinda quick. Please give me some feedback on this.

this was shitty
work on it
3/10

This was alright.....You need to work on structure though, try making your lines around the same length so its structured good, dont have short ones and long ones keep them around the same length....the flow was ok, add some multies and internals to help that out...but overall this was ok...keep at it.

that was pretty good but not Any thing great.....the topic was a good one because i have been back stabbed........i don't really like short ones..but that one was good........i enjoyed the Topic about 7/10 would be good for it......

Aiight Peace Out Kuz

This wasnt anythin special....pretty average.
Like Masta C said, structure needs work to make it an overall better peice.
The flow was Ok and you used a bit of creativity when talkin bout all the different races. You also sent out a good message bout gettin rid of racism.
Overall - 6/10

__________________

HARRY R.I.P
1940 - 2002

In Respect

NEED WORK BUT COULD OF WEN AND BEEN ALOT WOARST YOU SUCCEEDED IN GETTING A POINT ACROSS NOW JUST MAKE IT INTERESTING

Thanx for the replies. I'll work on that.

good positive idea for a verse....you got your point across but like th eothe rfool said u need to make it more interestin by using some original rhymes and metas and what not

good shit over all