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That's Right...I'm White
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Father!
IP: 4267 88EC
i dunno why but everytime i blink
i see my dad, pickin up another drink dad, your always saying your gonna quit but why can't you ever go through with it sometimes you make me so damn mad and i actually wish you weren't my dad lost your license 3 damn times from drinkin and driving think u would learn ur lesson the first trime, but u kept striving how am i suspose to look up to you, when ur always drunk i'm better off by passing up as a wannabe punk i only wish you would stop drinkin and be a real father cause when your drunk i can't talk to you, don't even bother but all in all i guess there ain't much that i can do except hopefully you'll stop, and pull through peace |
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Guest
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IP: 1345 8619
Mayne nice shyt. I love drops like this that i can actually FEEL. And thats what its about feeling it. If you make the readers feel what your feeling then your job is done.
Keep it up young pup |
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Guest
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IP: 554A 44F1
This reminded me of this country song "Walk a little straighter daddy"... the chorus is "Walk a little straighter daddy, you're swayin side to side. Your footsteps make me dizzy and I'm strugglin to survive. I keep slipin and stumblin an (I don't know what part)" It's about an alcoholic father...
This was an emotional peice and I can definatly feel your portrayal of feelings in this. There's not a whole lot of critiquing you can do on emotions... keep ya head up an keep elevatin peace |
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
this was on pint great, sad drop but good, you had some good vocab and good intentions hope everything works out iight...pz
__________________
Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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Guest
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IP: A70C 8BB7
Nice drop, i liked the flow
hope it works out |
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Registered User
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IP: 9722 3D42
this was an extremely good piece with great lines and i could feel the emotions you bled into this as i read it..and i can definitely relate to this i know exactly what its like to go thru wit an alcohlic dad..all i can say is stay strong and keep the faith sumday things will change.. keep this work up..great job..cant wait to hear more from ya lata kid..
__________________
my head is clouded with senseless doubt but this seems to be my only escape route so ill slither my way across the ground to avoid my blyndedsoul from being found ~*~YOU LIVE YOU LEARN~*~ |
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Guest
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IP: DA18 ABFD
yo man all hearts into this i cant relate too you but i can imgan what your saying it's 100% of the real shit man
great work ~out~ |
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: D616 52FB
yeh, i guess i just put up with it long enough, and had to get it off my chest, just frusterates me sometimes.
thanks for the replies all, keep em coming peace |
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Str8 From CopKilla Queens
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IP: 4577 CD9A
Ayo man i can relate to this cause i went through similiar issues with my never around father, good drop, 1luv.
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: D616 52FB
uppin
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Guest
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IP: F79F E8EA
Had a plain feel to it. Blunt.
Nonetheless emotionally charged. Though more "thump thump" that brooding or whatever. Not something one can take apart too much. Nice. ..resp... |
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