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Old 12-03-03, 03:49 AM   #1
80SHOTS
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'HIt-BAcK'

IP: CB99 8D63

its time to elevate but these pussies think i'm wack
so much tricks haiting, but i cant understand most of this crap
you see i know about guns and murders this goes 4 u bitch
u saying i'm shit, well who the buster sucking his dad's dick
i got your attention now havent i an dat was only in 4 lines
i havent even hit you, an already you reaching 4 your nine
dont get shit twisted b i might liv in the u.k but i aint english
originally born in mexico, so me an my boys speak full spanish
siento amigo if this angers you but fuck it its time to hit bak
i've never seen a nigger like you get high on a dope crack
running yo lip about i know bull shit about nines and shotti's
come try me nigger and we'll see who falls them shells pussy

PUNCH LINE! (TAKE IT HOW U WANNA TAKE IT,BUT THIS IS A JOKE)

i smoke you man i told you i'll teach you how to shoot, bitch i listen to fifty but i never cat nobody. maybe u should stop catting you fucking fake bitch, at home getting high on tabacco like u a trick snitch. see i dont give a fuck about anybody so i speak my mind, u c me on the street with my soilders an ounce of mersh an them silver nines. text beef means shit coz in the real world none of yaahl could handle me, coz u on the net u thinking u safe-when you fronting u pussy. came here to rap and already niggers throwing there disses like they in the game, i dont have to worry jee coz i'ma producer-an u rappers all sound the same. c i sign rappers for a living and come into forums like this to sign peeps, if they sound good i email them yeah nigger i'm feeling that shit. but a trick like u would never make it in the game-coz your my foe, and your mums a hoe if she ever thinks you gonna make that doe. c i really dont care what the fuck these niggers say coz i came from the gutter an i lernt to ball, so my punch line ends-an whtever you reply fuck all of yaahl.

now i said take it how u wanna take it but these bitches be taking it seriously fuck that// thats why my doggs at bad-time make killa tracks and make money and dogg cats// gun shots in your hood nigger means 80shots up in there, reach 4 yo mac b4 i pop you nigger coz my mercy's rare. signing rappers till i die making too much money, fuck rapping i'm in here to see what you niggers can fucking offer me!
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Old 12-03-03, 02:39 PM   #2
Menik
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You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback on or this will get deleted..

But this was alright....your structure in the first verse was pretty good, but then when you got into the Bold part you put it in paragraph form, you should put it like you did in the first one, and try making the lines the same length....Your vocab was alright, could be a bit better though....flow was alright, add some multies and internals to help that out...but overall this was alright...keep at it.
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