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Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
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Aborted Child
IP: F845 C337
Blah.. dont bitch about the structure, I wrote it another way.. with bars instead of in this form, and it definitely took away from the flow.. so that's why its written like this.
Little child, you'll never smile, wont have a life to make worthwhile, Your mom is wild, couldn't handle the piled up stresses of bein fertile, No funds, or a house to live in, Could it be? A better place in heaven then what you woulda lived in, things you wouldn't want to see, its pain to me cause its a shame to see someone die without a fighting chance at life, never see night, or be given the time of day, she'll pay in the long run, after its all done, she'll miss you forever, but know that it was for the better, she knew it wasnt the life for you, couldn't handle havin to fight for two, couldn't fight for herself - let alone you.
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
that was very good, i liked the flow it was set diff. but still good, you had a good value to put across interesting read you had some good wordplay the emotion was great i liked the questions you had in this piece that was real which made this very good
thanks for the reply on my piece, this was great you wonna do a collabo? if you down get at me on pm...pz
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
Aiight.. I'll get at you on that collab
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Str8 From CopKilla Queens
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IP: 4577 CD9A
I was really feeling this the flow was sickening, it felt almost like a nas song from illmatic, i really felt that u brought out the true power of the words, another great poem ma, as soon as i read it i was thinking the same thing as rule, u wanna collab? hollaatchaboy in pm if your interested, 1luv.
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Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
Thankz yo.. if y'all havent noticed I'm elevatin on my style quite a bit..
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Registered User
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IP: 399E F0FD
damn yo!! lol this was short but mad nice..after reading the first line i was like damn this is so true..its sad some kids dont eva get a chance in life like we did so im great ful for that but hey stuff happens for a reason..but yo this was nice i've seen ppl write about abortion and babble on and on and never really make sense i like how you made your poem tho ..nice shyt
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Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
Thankz.. for a piece I didn't really like to begin with... I'm getting a lot of good crit from people on it.
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Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
Quote:
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