alright upping for more people to peep this

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Soft Focus
Suicide Inc.
RhymeVantage
Def.Ill
Ghost-Writers

Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..

Lmao at all the bullshit replies this got ..

.. stupid newbie fucks, really though ..
you opened this up decent, flow was on point
to me, i liked the content in this actually, the
writers voice was its strongest asset .. transition
was good, kept it moving nicely .. kept switching
it up .. didnt stay on one idea like most newer
kids here do .. i thought you could of put in more
Multi's and internals to help carry each verse,
cause right now you only had a basic one syllable
rhyme scheme, but yeah .. mulei's and internals
would fix that and help a lot towards how your
verse flows when read. Id also say to you .. dont
worry about making your lines even. As long as
each line is roughly 12-16 syllables long, it will flow
Ive done this a lot longer, thats why i can get it to
go together when i write but it takes time .. you'll
pick it up as you write more cause you'll start getting
a feel for how the piece flows and eventually, you'll
get it to go without really trying. It was a fairly original
topic i felt .. ive not seen it flipped before, you gave it
a nice twist .. when is aw the title i didnt expect it to
be how it was, so i give you props on that. Skiddz verse
i didnt feel as much, he said what he wanted and got
the point across but it was egtting tiresome to me, lacked
the edge there to really hold my attention and make me
want to read what he had to say .. a lot of that is to do with wording .. you have to word each line so that it holds the
readers attention and keeps them entertained. The finish to
this piece was decent, rounded it off nicely .. nothing really
eye opening .. but the potentials there, thats what matters.


Just stick at it and you'll improve eventually, we all have to start somewhere.


Pz.

__________________
W o r d P e r f e c t

thank u thank u thank u..............a critical reply that will help me in the future, now if everyone would give like that the world would be a better place.

__________________

Soft Focus
Suicide Inc.
RhymeVantage
Def.Ill
Ghost-Writers

Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..