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Old 12-16-03, 04:00 PM   #1
snakeyes
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Shrooms

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TALES TOLD THROUGH EYES THAT SEEN MORE DAN DA BLUE SKY/
WENT BEYOND WORLDS, RIDING THE MAGICAL CAP CHASIN A TIDE
CRUSHING MY THOUGHTS, SEEING POKE A DOTS IN THE NIGHT/
OR DAYLIGHT, DON'T MATTER WHEN YOU CROSSEDOVER DIS SIDE
FEELIN A SUSPENDED ANIMATION SENSATION RUNNIN & PRAYIN/
FOR THIS MIND BENDING SCENE, UNABLE TO UNDERSTAND DIS DREAM. SENSES SO KEEN, EYE SIGHT CATCHES GLIMPSES LIKE A LAZER BEAM, STRAIGHT TRIPPIN ON TOP OF THIS BALOON IN SHAPE OF A MUSHROOM/ IS IT MY TIME OR IS THE WORLD DOOMED? WHO KNOWS, IT WILL BE TO SOON FOR THIS WOLF TO HOWL AT THE MOON IN A MIDNIGHT SKY WERE GALAXIES COLLIDE LIKE TITANS IN A BATTLE SO DECIDING, WE MIGHT ALL DIE...SCARY THOUGHTS LIKE NOSTRODAMUS TAKING SHOTS AND FORSEEING THE FUTURE TELEPATHICALLY LIKE DR. X AND HIS ROBOTS, DAAM, MUST BE SOME GOOD SHIT THIS TIME CUZ GOD GAVE ME A SIGN, A MESSAGE HIDDEN IN MY MIND TO BE OPENED BY THE HAPPY SHROOM LIKE A BEAUTIFUL CACOON. AFTERMATH, IN THE ALLEY NEXT TO A RACOON SAID HE WORKED OUT AT BALLYS, HOLYSHIT, MADLY DEEP BELIEVING THESE THINGS. IMAGINATION RUNS WILD AS I TRY TO NOT BE HOSTILE, IF I DO THEM I'LL BE OUTCONTROL GOING HOG WILD IN DENIAL, THOUGHTS SEEMINGLY INPOSIBLE TO STOCKPILE. I'M ALMOST NORMAL AGAIN, BACK TO THE REAL WORLD WERE IT WILL END, BUT IN THE MEANTIME, I FOUND A WORLD WERE I CAN LIVE MY LIFE WITH NO MEN, THIS IS WERE I WILL SPEND MY TIME TILL MY RIDE REACHES THE FINAL LINE, CONFINED IN MY OWN MIND.
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Old 12-16-03, 04:11 PM   #2
Dick Tator
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do you ever read the rules? you need links
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Old 12-16-03, 04:13 PM   #3
Baron Mynd
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^ I came in here to say that. My shit got closed, yet this dickhead clogs up half of page one and their allowed to stay up? Fuck you corrupt moderators ..
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Old 12-16-03, 04:17 PM   #4
Gene Pool
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yo was an aigh't piece, flowed well had some decent wordplay and a good rhyme scheme, a really good use of multi's and your vocab was pretty dope. just post your links and keep up bro. peace.

if u got time peep my piece called "Hybrid Theory" and leave some feedback, muchly appreciated thanx in advance.
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<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=red)>Atmosphere - inspirations of following in the footsteps of story tellin rhymes</table></center>

<center>Corrupted Visions</center>

<center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>Giving Sight A Third Eye</table></center>
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Old 12-16-03, 04:44 PM   #5
B.I.Detained
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not a bad piece n some good imagery wit it......
I enjoyed this piece n thought it flowed well in parts
n patchy in others.....but all in all flowed OK
Overall a decent piece from a relative newbie...
WELL DUN
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Old 12-16-03, 04:45 PM   #6
KillerKrazy
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I was feeling your imagery for sure dog, ya gaveme a bit of a flashback lol!!! Anyway i was feeling ya peice, you had nice complexity and a few similies that were tight!! ONLY SUGGESTION would be to be more creative in your rhyme scheme, NICE PIECE!!

And why these other peeps just come in here to bitch!! Read the piece and leave feedback, it ain't difficult.
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Old 12-16-03, 04:50 PM   #7
Menik
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Closed, Read The Rules
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