Been pushed to a point with no start or end
Trapped by my own hearts pain. Suffering
I remember it, everything was fine an clear
Looking back at time as vision began to smear
My hands were placed in all the wrong places
Was pushing to strong afraid of crying faces
Went on, what’s worse didn’t even know I tried to
Guess at first I was at my worst, trying to lie you
Wonder why to after all the shit we had to drive through
Here comes me, mind not thinking, you just blinking
Then I try to add E’s on Rap, and then you start shrieking
It goes on, I’m pushed back, I’m back yea but eyes leaking
Wasn’t even thinking. We start sleeping then there’s my hand creeping
But you weren’t fighting, I guess desire took me, as are sex depend
Willingness just minutes after you were screaming
Then stop. I wish your words were never muffled, I wish I were seeing
Love is fucked up but I’m in it… except were not dreaming
The worlds here, months apart now after everything happened
Killed my fears, but to think back leaves my heart still sagging
Guess we never go back, after something grabs ya heart and starts trashing
After that was enough. Now to think I did this shit leaves me boggled
How I get so fucked up, making my world come down n toppled
I’m trying to get on, do what I godda do
But I’m just wishing I had never bothered you
Thinking… Wishing, I gained control and kept it
If this could be changed it would. Cuz I can barley except it
I do really love you, I’m just pissed I couldn’t respect it
Now I’m here. Still trying to do myself a little better
Now I hears you with an old friend I only prey he does you better

Fucked up. Gets you fucked up,
What’s worse uh… minds blank up
Its not enough you just godda change
Now I godda make up alot of things


I’m try-in wishing I could go back, stop you from cry-in
I know my heart wasn’t lie-in wish I didn’t act so tyrant
Thinking I need a go back, even further… To another person
Respect my neighbor more; learn the lesson that has me hurting
Drunk night of fun, a start of something that start to worsen
Wish for awareness something I wish I could see fully
Wish I could see everything, I wish I didn’t act bully
Have you on the ground, and then…don’t know truthfully
Don’t remember only have what I know, tears through December
I remembered the forth, I still godda go though this summa
It’s a promise I promise you… You myself an no other
Plans of a marked man, guess for the military I’m hoping
First some more counseling with a little less joking
Did it once. The VA two. Saying I need help, why I just do
Well then I guess we can’t help you, that’s all I heard
Took myself under control, now trying to hear gods word
Still longing for more though, I realize I’m only mortal
But now I’ve closed the doors to a very dark portal
Continue on, missing both, wish I could rediscover
Wish I could re love that girl, and better respect that mother

__________________