Dear penis, I don’t think I like you anymore
You used to watch me shave now all you do is stare at the floor
Oh, dear penis, I don’t like you anymore

It used to be you and me, a paper towel and a dirty magazine
That’s all we needed to gettin' by
Now it seems thangs have changed and I think that you’re the one to blame
Dear penis, I don’t like you anymore

(And he sings)

Dear Rodney, I don’t think I like you anymore
’Cause when you get to drinking
You put me places I’ve never been before
Dear Rodney, I don’t like you anymore

Why can’t we just get a grip on our man-to-hand relationship
Come to terms with truly how we feel
If we put our heads together
We’d just stay on forever
Dear penis - I think I like you after all
Oh, and Rodney, while you’re shaving
Shave my balls