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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-18-05, 03:44 PM
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#4
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1926
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IP:
Its Pretty Off Mayn...
Leeeeeets Start With The Ovious Stuff... You Should Prolly Work On Using Multies More... And Concetrate On That More Then Tryna Use Big Words... Cuz I Dont Even Think You Knew Half Those Words... You Structure Could Use Some Polishing... You Just Have A Giant Mass Of Text... Try To Break It Up Into Like Verses Of 10 Lines Each... And Throw In A Chorus Or Something To Give The Reader A Break... Thats Really All I Can Critique... Cuz This Wasnt A Deep Piece, It Was Like A Rep Track... Maybe Throw Stronger Punches And Wordplay In... Since You're Tryna Rep Your Skill... But Ya, Thats It... Stay Up And Keep Elevating... .One. |
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