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Old 12-11-05, 01:29 AM   #11
.Ike.
Ike
 
Posts: 4,949
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Quote:
Originally Posted by One Man Band
Listen to secret wars... its real old, but i need feedback to figure out where to go with my style.

www.soundclick.com/onemb

by the way, i know vocals are a bit low.




k.......listening...

first of all....it sounds like your rushing the shit out of your words...i realize you dont wanna sacrafice lyrics for flow....but there comes a certain point...wheres its just necessary....cause it honestly makes it unenjoyable....when u cant understand what someone is saying...cause theyre trying to fit soo much into 1 bar.....

one thing i really like about this track...is how u talk back and forth with the people...it def. keeps it a lot more interesting....

as far as the rushing your words thing...that was really in the beginning more than anywhere else.....

lyrically this is dope....and im feelin the beat....quality is ass...but im sure thats nothing u dont already know...

your delivery....is ok....BUT...i think it can use A LOT of improvement....like i said with a couple others in here...your saying the words...but im not believing what your saying...your not coming with that delivery....where everything just stands out and u can feel what the dudes saying....its just kinda the same the whole way throughout....switch it up....switch your tone up with what your saying to make people believe it....and try to come with a lil more energy...

actually...i can honestly see in this track...as far as the delivery...where your on your way to "making me believe what your saying"....you switch up tone a lil in a couple parts.....and your getting your feet wet with it...but go all out on your next track with it.....

but overall...track was pretty original...had nice lyrics...flow like i said..in the beginning i wasnt feeling...cause it just seemed like you were rushing too much to fits too many words into 1 bar....and delivery needs to be upped some...and youll be fresh as hell.....

word
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