not bad, your imagery is decent and what topicals really need is a solid story to back them up. I think you have to much vocabulary for the story to pick up and be smoother. Maybe slow down the vocab so you can get a more fluent story to build. Your flow is good and ya rhyme scheme is pretty coo. If your goin for the more lyrical type topical I'd suggest using metaphor and syllable multiples a lot more man. But overall this isn't to bad of a piece I def enjoyed the read.

rtf here: http://community.rapverse.com/showt...202#post3148202

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