Intro

Last week to say the least, was disappointing. Following a week where 25/28 people showed, only 20/32 showed this week, a pretty disappointing number. Many verses were wasted against lazy bitches. Some close battles, though, and we almost saw a new champion. Here’s what went down.

Last Weeks Battle Reviews

1. §howcase (8-1) vs. 2. Wireless (6-3)

§howcase came pretty bland and played in this one. Nothing was bad, but nothing much really stood out either. Prolly was because Wireless chose a character who was harder to diss. Wireless didn’t come great, but had a really dope opener. It was enough to give him the 4-2 win. However, he didn’t vote so for that reason, §howcase held onto the title.

3. Bobericc_Lyrics (5-2) vs. 4. Axeshun (3-0)

Family guy match here, wasn’t bad, one of the better from the week I suppose. Both had nice personals on the show, but some of the shit in this match was a bunch of statements. Axeshun had the best quotables, though, and won 4-1.

5. Alphabetized (4-1) vs. 6. DiZzy (2-0)

DiZzy’s verse was clearly a no-show verse, but it still had at least one cool line in it. The rest was filler. Alpha no-showed so DiZzy won.

7. Professor (1-1) vs. 8. Mets (1-0)

Professor’s verse had some lines which were pretty bad, but some funny shit, too. I don’t think it was good enough to beat Mets, but Mets didn’t show so Professor won.

9. DaTrusHurtz (8-1) vs. 10. Civilized Gangsta (2-2)

Civilized needed to come his best here if he wanted to win, and he didn’t. He did have one solid quotable, but the rest was pretty inconsistent. Trus came pretty consistent and had some pretty solid quotables. Trus won 5-0.

11. Roger Glocks (1-0) vs. 12. R. Christensen (1-0)

Neither showed so no one won

13. Keyed (1-0) vs. 14. Tony Brown (6-3)

Tony came okay, not a bad verse from him at all. Unfortunately, it was wasted by Keyed no-showing so Tony won.

15. Prycele$$ (3-3) vs. 16. Sureloc Holmes (3-3)

Sureloc came alright, better than he had in some of his other past weeks in the GBA. He had a quotable and a bunch of other decent lines. Prycele$$ really struggled in this one and didn’t have much that stood out. Sureloc won 5-0

17. Popcorn (2-3) vs. 18. Out Writechas (1-2)

Popcorn came with a very corny jokish style verse. Guess he was playin’ with a new style. A few cool lines, but wasn’t feelin’ most of it. Out Writechas no-showed, though, so it didn’t matter. Popcorn won.

19. Titan (1-1) vs. 20. Phil Benjamin (1-1)

Phil’s verse was alright. Lots of personal material on the show, but most of it was too simple and didn’t have the fresh flips on concepts needed to draw laughter. Titan was online, but didn’t show like a pussy. Phil won.

21. Tebo (0-3) vs. 22. Zelph (0-1)

Tebo dropped first and while his verse wasn’t great, it definitely showed some improvement. Zelph only dropped a couple of bars and really I guess didn’t give a shit about winning this so Tebo won.

23. Exist (0-1) vs. 24. ClasSick (0-0)

ClasSick came in a day late asking when shit was due and Exist never showed up so no one won here.

25. Native Pryde (0-0) vs. 26. Chase Utley (0-0)

Chase had a pretty nice verse, was feelin’ a lot of his shit that he had. Unfortunately, it went to waste as Native no-showed so Chase won.

27. Jonny Hustle (0-0) vs. 28. Veeyo (0-0)

Veeyo dropped a lengthy verse that had some good ideas, but not very good wording. Jonny Hustle could have posted, but basically didn’t feel like dropping. Veeyo won by no-show.

29. docholiday (0-0) vs. 30. -Coop- (0-0)

Pretty weak battle went on here. Doc’s verse looked very newbish and really didn’t have any punches in it. Coop came okay, concepts weren’t bad for the most part, but executed them too simply n’ needed more creativity to his verse. He easily had enough, though, and won 6-0.

31. King Spic (0-0) vs. 32. Ace Heratoga (0-0)

Ace had some pretty cool concepts in his verse, though his wording looked a bit unpolished. King Spic no-showed so Ace won.

Battle of the Week

This was by no means a good battle, but unfortunately the best last week had to offer.

§howcase

Not much info on this guy, didn't like writing for this week. Here's a 10 line key though...

SMH at you picking him and not even knowing his name was Early Cuyler.

George is nothing to fuck with, I'm so damn hairy dude,
But if you plan to send me to an Early grave...
...it'll be the place I bury you.
Shit, you're dirt poor and all, but made me recheck my eyes,
Since those GAP's in your teeth look like they could start a clothing enterprise.
Early is wack, George'll steal your girl and be hitting that snatch,
So yea, I'm Curious...about how the fuck you got to the championship match.
Got so many trucker hats, and making it here^ now you're so gassed,
Guess I'm going to have to take all those caps...and bust them up your ass.
It's really suprising shit, since you're weak dude,
Thinking you gonna beat me? You must be bananas! No wonder I'm gonna eat you.

Wireless

meh.. idk.. hated the gimmick.. thanks for the extension..

lookin gay man.. i know this won't make you furious..
so i'm telling george bye.. is exactly how he's curious..
wtf @ that picture mang, i hope your ass falls..
off and on describes your skill.. and also how you're on people's balls..
man in the yellow hate? you know something bout that fag
he probably has a rabbit in his hat.. and your hands down his pants

so you were inspired from a boy.. i didn't realize how true this hit home
cuz the part i forgot to show was..
so, i gotta tell one more truth.. finish you off to hell..
curious george is over quicker than the end of 3rd grade show and tell

Wireless won 4-2, but didn’t vote so he lost

Verse of the Week

Nothing truly worthy of verse of the week this week. A few verses which were alright, but nothing more. There were 3 or 4 verses which were about the same, but I’m giving this to…

Chase Utley vs. Yogi Bear

ok look at yogi..

he aint bout it, i've had enough dude
and jellystone aint the place u live in..
its the condition you'll be in when i crush u
ur now in a world of shit, heard you love to test men
& you can't get no girls, when boo boo is ur best friend
im raw nigga, u hollerin "i'm that guy" and u swearin..
that ur roar is loud, but not as loud as that tie ur wearin
u smell like ass dawg, especially with all that gas u makin
& brown-nosing ur girl was cool...
until u turned it into a fashion statement
forget it im hungry yogi, this right here shows how i ate u
& last time u had a pic-a-nic,it involved sex w/ a gay dude

No-Show Shine

Ace Heratoga vs. Charlie Brown

The Meatmans been gone for a minute, so I'll dip on him fast...
Call me Lucy son... You try to kick it with me and end up on your ass
Charlie was born in the 50's... ya styles old as fuck... so i got you sonny
ill introduce ya to ya fan base... my grandma still thinks your punchlines are funny
Dawg... you got dissed by Lucy and peppermit patty gave you stitches
CB should change his name to Akon, he known for getting played by the Bitches
Rockin that hat in ya picture, we know that you show shame...
I mean shit... Charlie the only adolescent I know in the world hitting up Rogaine
Can't pull chick, can't fly a kite, can't win a game god damn you suck...
Life's a bitch and Charlie love being on the bottom, cause he always fuckin up

Veeyo vs. Quagmire

Quagmire got more chin than Lamotta on Fight Night, but that aint it, listen
This perv's nose is longer than my fight scene versus the chicken
Don't know if its me or not cuz I'm known to have been wrong
Glen swears he's not gay, so Y does he wear a leopard skin thong???
I'm a eat til ima beast yeah I said it, fuck a diet
You'll never b as fly as Pete, even though you're a pilot
Me I got my own show, family, house and some mo shit
U still stuck on the fact that u'll never get 2 fuck Lois
Plus u a registered sex offender Meg showed me on tha net jerk
The show got u lookin like tha R.Kelly of Cartoon Network
You'll never see me Quagmire, though u live next ta me
He's softer than Stewie and Brian was tha last time i took extacy
I'm tha star of the show you'll never catch praise
Cuz lyrically you're just 'all right' like you're other catch phrase
If anyone hears giggity, giggity, goo then u might find a queer
Its Peter Griffin and Glen Quagmire is what really grinds my gears

Chase Utley vs. Yogi Bear

ok look at yogi..

he aint bout it, i've had enough dude
and jellystone aint the place u live in..
its the condition you'll be in when i crush u
ur now in a world of shit, heard you love to test men
& you can't get no girls, when boo boo is ur best friend
im raw nigga, u hollerin "i'm that guy" and u swearin..
that ur roar is loud, but not as loud as that tie ur wearin
u smell like ass dawg, especially with all that gas u makin
& brown-nosing ur girl was cool...
until u turned it into a fashion statement
forget it im hungry yogi, this right here shows how i ate u
& last time u had a pic-a-nic,it involved sex w/ a gay dude

u prolly aint showin tho nig

Phil Benjamin vs. Dale

im'a legend, an your just a bore see
do i really have to kill'em,
.....his cigs are already doing the job for me
race cars an chill, cause your shows tired an needs a rest
when i heard dale was on tv..i thought earn hart faked his death
wait get off tv, just plow ya ass on the couch..ya dig
then he just realized i really meant i buried a hole in it
no wait, okay you got no guns, like bugs be holden
when you resort to ya couch you'll just see it's stolen
i got many talents..an that shit will always be said
you got one talent....crushing beer cans off ya head
cartoons can get pussy..but if your ever called a mack
i'm pretty sure that most people are looking at ya hat
an sometimes i dont even notice'em wit his crew
it's sad that hanks son bobby gets more tv time than you
your a waste of ink, an i'll just let it be said bitch
i star in my own show, an you just barly get ya name in the credits

Popcorn vs. Donald Duck

Dog, forget this shit. You winnin'? Hell, you wrong as fuck!
B/c on a serious note. It won't take billions of dollars to leave Donald, Trumped!!
Get off me punk. It's all about that To Infinite & Beyond.
Shit dude. Why would we want Duck, when we can have Filet Minot.
So just be gone. I'm taking off, while you're goin' off.
Got 3 sons? How man, when you have no sign of a crotch!!!
You're too soft. Along w/ the fact you're not as quick.
Dude! Yeah we all want double D..........on a chick!!
I'm the shit. Let's scuffle. Come w/ the attack. I dare!
B/c honestly you can't fuck w/ Buzz....since you have no hair!!
Piss me off too bad & it's lasers that blast.
& your little outfits got me laughin'. Sailors are fags!!!
I'm an evil son of a bitch. Yeah, I'm truely crooked.
I'm more of a Mickey Mouse fan...
...too bad you're not Goofy......just goofy lookin'!!!

Tony Brown vs. Riley

Wuts with the tough guy act, dumb bitch look u done kid
Actin like livin in the boondocks is an accomplishment or some shit
So stop with the fake shit mayne u doin it like sissies did
Cuz Riley "Keeps it gangsta"
......if that includes the occasional temper tantrum or hissy fit
This dude went from cool n mellow to a straight mischief n macho
You a real bad ass....compared to the pussy u were back in Chicago
You's a joke, n no it's not that im feelin ya braids, bro
It ain't a noogie either, im jus tryna get them weeds out ya corn rows
Mayne fuck the boondocks, i think theres another show u oughta see
I'm done bein the Big Brother, it's time YOU got a taste of Reality

Professor vs. Tweety

Never had the oppurtunity, to run around and play with a wussy
But Tweety's the first guy I have known that is afraid of a pussy
I'll treat you like Jesus, torture your bitch ass...imagine this guys
Watch me give him 30+ lashes, that he should have on his eyes
You're nowhere near dope Tweet, I'm punchin' you now sir, fast
I don't point out dicks...but you got a boner coming out your ass
You're dead though....cmon....just throw in the towel and take it
Cause your ego reminds me of your head since it's over-inflated
It is over for you Tweety cause you are not in the least impressin
And you're more yellow than a fuckin asian with a yeast infection

Dizzy vs. Mickey Mouse

fact is i dont gotta rap,,
you a sorry ass rodent all i have to do is setta trap
your a rat,, thats pretty much all i have to say
we both chase after the cheese,, i just dont die along the way
how are YOU gonna battle me you fucking midget..
how does it feel to know i can step on you any minute?
im the only fresh character out of our camp dawgg your the past..
but kids still do wanna see walt disney land.. right on top of your little ass
your whole legacys a dead story..
seriously,, how can you wear 8 different colors n still b plain boring

Top Punches

yeah, um, it's in your court, but the ball fell
your best friend has ONE eye...
and she can still see that you wack as all hell

9. Sureloc Holmes vs. Fry

N' immitating u's easy, I'm gonna pound u to flakes
All I need is a car...
... I can honk and produce ALL the sounds that u make

8. DaTrusHurtz vs. Road Runner

im the only fresh character out of our camp dawgg your the past..
but kids still do wanna see walt disney land.. right on top of your little ass

7. DiZzy vs. Mickey Mouse

Such a subordinate bitch, no doubt you must enjoy bein told what to do
Ya gettin burnt so much...I guess Ash really is rubbin off on you.

6. Civilized Gangsta vs. Pikachu

Punks sucks n' is lame, man fuck what u say
Ur NOT slick, the escapes u make put the keyboard button to shame

5. DaTrusHurtz vs. Road Runner

he aint bout it, i've had enough dude
and jellystone aint the place u live in..
its the condition you'll be in when i crush u

4. Chase Utley vs. Yogi Bear

So stop with the fake shit mayne u doin it like sissies did
Cuz Riley "Keeps it gangsta"
......if that includes the occasional temper tantrum or hissy fit

3. Tony Brown vs. Riley

Not enough? well I guess it over cuz I'll strait murder this child
I been spittin since u was in diapers,& *that refers to you now*

2. Axeshun vs. Stewie

lookin gay man.. i know this won't make you furious..
so i'm telling george bye.. is exactly how he's curious..

1. Wireless vs. §howcase

Bitch of the Week

Jonny Hustle

Lots of dudes no-showed last week and Jonny was one of them. Some of those people had excuses which weren’t valid, but were somewhat understandable. The day after verses were due, I AIM’d or PM’d just about everyone who didn’t show up to write their verses. Jonny replied that he wasn’t in the mood to write and didn’t have much time. He said he didn’t want to drop if it wasn’t gonna be his best. Lame excuse, but whatever. Oddly enough, he found PLENTY of time to chat in the 1-2-1 chat thread. He could have written the dopest verse ever with the time he spent replying to dude’s in there. If that’s not enough, the next day he was back chatting AGAIN in the thread, meanwhile not writing his verse when I told him he could have more time if he needed it. No-showing dicks over ur opponent who actually wrote verses. Selfish shit man, u had plenty of time, u coulda dropped.

Dumbass of the Week

Jonny Hustle

Also wins dumbass of the week. Not only did he no-show, but he then signed out of the league after no-showing. Lol. U really think I’d give a battle to someone the next week after no-showing like that the week before? If u want to sign back in and take the league seriously, feel free to, but damn man, lol.

The Boot

No One

Zelph and Docholiday, you guys need to improve this week or you will be booted. Give it your best this week and show me what you got. However, for this week, no one is booted.

Power Rankings

10. Bobericc_Lyrics (5-3) – Blew his chance to get to the title match, but still is dropping decent.
9. Professor (2-1) – Somehow managed to get to the contendership match with a 2-1 record. Needs just 1 nice verse to get to the title.
8. Sureloc Holmes (4-3) – Came pretty decent last week to climb into the top 10. Can he drop nicely again this week?
7. Chase Utley (1-0) – Earned verse of the week with a nice no-show verse. Should be climbing the ranks shortly.
6. Wireless (6-3) – Lost to §howcase only because of not voting. Proved that he can hang with the best in the loss.
5. Tony Brown (7-3) – Came decent last week in a no-show win. However, will need to beat Trus if he wants to continue his climb of the ranks.
4. DaTrusHurtz (9-1) – Came decent in a win against Civilized Gangsta and has been throughout most of his time in the league.
3. Axeshun (4-0) – Got his best win in the league so far by beating Bob next week. Just needs 1 more win to become the champ, can he do it?
2. DiZzy (3-0) – Won by no-show and has almost finished a surprising run to the champ match. Should be facing §howcase next week.
1. §howcase (9-1) – Barely squeeked by Wireless thanks to him not voting. Didn’t drop great last week, but still is the title holder.

Potentially Dope

Nick Fletcher – Signed back in after a long hiatus from the league. A definite threat to take the title.
Ace Heratoga – Had a decent no-show verse last week. Can drop nicely and should be climbing the ranks shortly.
Uncil Phil – Also just signed back in at 2-2, though his 2 losses are no-shows. 1 more no-show and he’s banned from the league forever, but can drop nice when he shows.

Predictions

1. §howcase (9-1) vs. 2. Axeshun (4-0)

§howcase is lucky to be here as the only reason he won last week is that he didn’t vote. He’s talented, though, and I’m betting he learned a lesson on not to half-ass in the champ match. Axeshun I expect will come with one of his better verses, but it won’t be enough. §howcase to win.

3. DiZzy (3-0) vs. 4. Professor (2-1)

Professor somehow managed to get to #4 even though he’s only 2-1. DiZzy is much better than Professor and assuming he shows up on time and drops, I don’t see this match being close. DiZzy to win.

5. DaTrusHurtz (9-1) vs. 6. Tony Brown (7-3)

Round 3 for us. Tony is 7-1 against everyone else in the league, 0-2 against me. Good luck buddy.

7. Sureloc Holmes (4-3) vs. 8. Popcorn (3-3)

Pretty even matchup here, could go either way. As their records indicate, both of these guys are about average and this will come down to who wants to get to the contendership more. Sureloc came decent last week so I’m going with him.

9. Wireless (6-4) vs. 10. Bobericc_Lyrics (5-3)

Pretty even matchup right here. Wireless is more creative, but less consistent than Bob. I can see Wireless trying even harder to get back to the champ match knowing how close he was, or I can see him almost giving up and barely trying against Bob. I’m going with Wireless.

11. Phil Benjamin (2-1) vs. 12. Tebo (1-3)

After a month in the league, Tebo finally got his first win. Grats man, but u’ll need to keep improving if you want to beat Phil. Phil got the easy no-show win last week, but didn’t come bad anyway. Tebo may get the benefit of the doubt from RB voters, but I got Phil winning.

13. Chase Utley (1-0) vs. 14. Veeyo (1-0)

Chase got the benefit of shaking the rust off last week on a no-show win. Not sure if he’s gotten back what he used to be, but he came decent in the no-show win so I expect him to come nice again. Veeyo I still haven’t seen enough about to truly form an opinion of, but I expect him to either no-show or lose to Chase.

15. -Coop- (1-0) vs. 16. Ace Heratoga (1-0)

Ace got the no-show win last week and –Coop- got a win that was just about as easy as a no-show. Really comes down to who has been doing this more and who’s more polished and that’s Ace. If –Coop- takes some of the advice I left him in my battle last week he should do okay, but I got Ace winning.

17. Nick Fletcher (1-0) vs. 18. Mets (1-1)

If this battle goes down, it will easily be battle of the week. Both are veteran writers with a lot of talent and a lot of accomplishments. Mets is probably better and has champed more prestigious leagues than Nick has, but in his welcome back week, I expect Nick to come with some fire that Mets won’t expect. Nick to win.

19. Civilized Gangsta (2-3) vs. 20. Prycele$$ (3-4)

Both have been dedicated members of the league, but have struggled to win consistently. Really a toss-up here that could probably go either way, but Prycele$$ I think is gonna really want this one and try to prove he’s better than average. Prycele$$ to win.

21. Uncil Phil (2-2) vs. 22. ClasSick (0-0)

If both of these battlers show up, I’ll be a bit shocked. The winner will be whoever shows up for their battle.

23. Kwik (0-0) vs. 24. docholiday (0-1) vs. 25. Zelph (0-2)

Zelph hasn’t been dropping good, but I think he’s the only one that will show up here so Zelph will win.

Outro

Sorry this mag took so long to get up. If you saw my schedule this week, you’d understand. With all the no-showers from last week booted, I’m expecting the turnout this week to be much better. The theme we got this week should be cool as long as all of you don’t come played. Be creative and have fun this week. Pz