RapVerse.com Community - Round 1: deacon

04-12-03, 05:16 PM

#16

varentao

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Originally posted by varentao
Okay, now this was interesting...

..i don't think it really strayed off the topic....the piece was just flipped upside down...your described the situation before finally telling us what it was...hence the shadow mention on the last line..."shelter of shadows."..

...it's an interesting way of doing things, kind of original...i felt it was very good all the way through, with a few hiccups along the way..but only a few....but the end "...probably give your write incisions"..i thought was kind of poor, made the seem blunt and didn't conform to the essence of the piece...mainly the use of the word 'incisions'....

..but still, i felt this strong enough to go through...

...Vote: Deacon DOES go through.

Also i find .sand.'s comments not valid and fair, and with the approval of Phrantik, his vote shall be stricken from this piece...

..i respect it's your opinion on the piece, and i can see where you're coming from, but overall he didn't stray from the topic too much at all...he was building up to a climax, virtually every line was about 'shadows'.one way or the other.....

8/10 (you would've got an extra point, making it 9, but the ending really did this piece an injustice..plus as said before, one or two other little niggly bits..)..

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