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Old 11-21-03, 12:24 PM   #16
Born To Kill
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Posts: 2,936
From: Houston, Texas
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This was clearly Dez's win.

Great imagery, great story, great twist there at the end.

The only thing I'd bitch about was ya flow...

Just felt it wasn;t there at times, had ta backtrack and re-read in a few spots...

But, the vocab, the wordplay, the metas ("eyepatch", "tables", and "food" lines were tight) belonged to Dez.

Narc, sorry...

Just didn't feel ya verse from the beginning.
Too gang banger, too thug, too selfish of a story.
I mean, bullets are flying through ya window...
And you're not concerned about ya wife getting hit, ya concerned about YOU getting hit and leaving her a widow.
WTF?

Very simple, vocab was elementary, flow was ok, but the content and the story could have been so much better.

Dez
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