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Old 01-13-04, 06:38 PM   #1
Tsar Casm
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Lessons On Legends

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My mind was progressin'..ahem..excuse me, class is in session,
On how to handle my new obsession, achieveing O.M legends,
The though of it had me stressin', Started with "Desperation",
Writtin by Domain 9, you could see his respect for Bruk in each line,
Made my heart welt, so though-out and deeply felt, this must of been a sign,
Because for this, I read every written legend, and they all stayed in mind,
Moved to pieces by Camarac, purest form of dope, I had to sit back,
Replenish my mind, for another textual track, of which nothing it lacked,
Recently read "Blood On The Pillow", I wondered how to visualize,
What he saw through his eyes, the whole idea caught me for a suprise,
The message it was sending, the concepts portrayed at the ending,
Though, my feelings on Weezy's "America" is still pending,
But the verse itself had me in my brain mending my questioning,
Of what deserved to be considered an open mic legend,
How would I reach my own space set in a sort of RB heaven,
By now I make my way on to reading a Sand classic "Pain of Plane",
I'd never remain the same, for my vocabulary had changed,
I guess I could say Legends took me from a fetus into a writer,
A born again writer, cleaning his mouth that was like a fighter,
Had I of tried, I could've been "Almost Famous", yet I was "Napping Thru Reality",
These senseless notions, causing myself all this mental comotion,
So now I stick with myself this forum I always seem to open,
And if I could accompish having a thread in this so say, perfect potion,
The thought would be a "Reflection of Fate" , that I to showed magical devoution,


........Thank you for your time class, I hope this may have inspired you.
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Last edited by Sarcasm : 01-13-04 at 06:47 PM.
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Old 01-13-04, 07:51 PM   #2
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Don't Sleep!
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Old 01-13-04, 08:20 PM   #3
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please people..are you kidding me?
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Old 01-13-04, 08:21 PM   #4
Orikle
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Good idea but...

My mind was progressin'..ahem..excuse me, class is in session,
On how to handle my new obsession, achieveing O.M legends,
The though of it had me stressin', Started with "Desperation",

^^That part flowed pretty well...but...

Writtin by Domain 9, you could see his respect for Bruk in each line,
Made my heart welt, so though-out and deeply felt, this must of been a sign,
Because for this, I read every written legend, and they all stayed in mind,

^^When you moved to that it just didn't flow off the opening section...

Take out senseless words and sure maintain the content but don't forget about the flow and rhyming structure ay...Keep at it mate...Hit my piece up ay...Pz...
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Old 01-13-04, 08:31 PM   #5
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alrightey.. i'll get to it...
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Old 01-13-04, 09:03 PM   #6
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wow..o.m is going to hell...
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Old 01-13-04, 09:11 PM   #7
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Yea agree try to use less fillers, .. flow was ok on most points, .. story was well i liked it .. nice concept.. good vocab usage.. = ) .., but try to remove words that are just being there lol..but still a nice read man props.
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Old 01-13-04, 09:13 PM   #8
Tsar Casm
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Damn words..mysteriously find themselves there..their like bagladies...
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Old 01-13-04, 09:37 PM   #9
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It was alright
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Old 01-13-04, 10:52 PM   #10
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I enjoyed this..
but as said earlier, you had a lot of line fillers
vocab was nice, so was structure and fillers
this was quite nice.
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Old 01-13-04, 10:56 PM   #11
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I did liek this quite a bit. Flow stayed mostly solid, and I dug the respect that you laid out for the other things people have been laying down. Cleaning up some of the extra syllables would make this top rate.

Hit me back, man.

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Old 01-14-04, 02:13 AM   #12
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take out those silly unneeded words
and your lines were really really long...cut them in 1/4

good shit

but you will get better than this easily?
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Old 01-14-04, 06:29 AM   #13
Tsar Casm
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word...love ya'll man...*sniff*sniff*
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Old 01-14-04, 04:23 PM   #14
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Had some nice flow here, dope internals throughout, you pulled it off pretty well, but i thnk you overused alot of words n' terms here...it seemed the flow was stretched in places, but overall it was pretty good.

Liked the topic...it's good that some people can write shit about rb, lotta good relational shit in here, was a good read...

"message it was sending, the concepts portrayed at the ending,
Though, my feelings on Weezy's "America" is still pending,"

"And if I could accompish having a thread in this so say, perfect potion,
The thought would be a "Reflection of Fate" , that I to showed magical devoution,"

- some dope bars...

3/5 if you have time can you return the favour?? http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106501
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Old 01-14-04, 06:21 PM   #15
Tsar Casm
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dope..ill peep that..
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